In short, this blog is something I wrote in order to pass along some life lessons to my nephews, using the mini-series Lonesome Dove as the video guide.
If you'd like a copy of it in Word so that you can print it out, shoot me an email. I'd be happy to send it to you.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Why I wrote this...
Like most Uncles, it is my desire to be remembered by my nephews when they are older, and I am gone.
I will never hold a place in their lives remotely as important as their parents, but then again I am spared the difficult task of actually raising them. Their parents enjoy the most intimate, wonderful times, but must also endure the difficult times. They have their role clearly defined by societal norms, while mine is vague. I can be the cool uncle, the crazy uncle, the generous uncle, the carefree uncle…or, if I choose, the aloof and distant uncle.
I don’t know what combination of these I will be remembered as, but I’ve made certain it will not be the latter. I had one of those, and when we buried him I didn’t shed a tear. After all, one rarely cries over a stranger.
Anyway, a while back my brother’s son won the Exceptional Citizen Award from the school he attends. There was only one recipient, and it was a very big deal. The award shocked me, because it was so different from my behavior in school…. I was a popular kid, but I used my popularity like a self-centered pop star. I surrounded myself with the cool clique…I teased the unpopular kids…I scorned the un-coordinated kids…and I spoke nary a word to any girl I didn’t consider cute.
In short, I was a jerk, and I’m ashamed of it to this day.
My nephew, on the other hand, is an athletic and popular kid, but has used his popularity in a way that reveals an exceptional man in the making. The award he won sited the fact that he never speaks badly about a classmate…he is the first to encourage and compliment the class underdogs…he is the student who always reaches out to a classmate in need… and he is courteous and respectful to his teachers. He doesn’t know it, but he now holds in his mind the memories I wish I had from those years.
I wrote my nephew a letter to tell him how proud I was of him. I wrote a letter as opposed to stopping by and talking to him because no one writes letters anymore, and I knew it would have a deeper impact on him. I didn’t, however, just tell him I was proud of him; I told him why I was proud of him, and discussed at length some of the trials and tribulations he would encounter as he grew older…I did my best to help him understand how rare his gifts are, and how those gifts could serve him in the future…I talked to him like an adult, and said, “You’re on the right track. Be proud of yourself, and don’t change for anyone.”
Then, to my surprise and amazement, my sister’s son recently won a similar award. Different parents…but obviously this nephew has the same sort of gifts, and attitudes towards his fellow man.
And this got me to thinking…as an Uncle, what could I possibly offer these lads that might have an impact on their lives?
Then, on a long bike ride through the hills of Western Maryland, it occurred to me: Boys learn from their parents…and through good parenting become good men… but the one thing they usually fail to do is listen to their parents on matters concerning the years ahead. Parents have the ability to offer them decades of wisdom paid for with significant quantities of personal pain, but there’s something about the human psyche that causes us all to reject this most obvious and valuable of gifts. Like a moth to the light, it is our fate to bump up against that smoking hot orb called experience until we learn, or die.
So, on this bike ride, I decided my gift to my nephews would be wisdom.
There are, of course, several drawbacks to this plan.
First, who am I to impart wisdom? I have no serious qualifications, other than my willingness to sit at a keyboard and hunt and peck.
Second, why should my nephews listen to me? Sure, they’re probably more apt to listen to my thoughts on “the future” than those of their parents, but who under the age of 40 doesn’t think they know everything already?
And third, how can I discuss the concepts associated with making moral choices, and shaping one’s life around wise ideas, without being…well, boring? To someone under the age of 25, the mere mention of the word “wisdom” sounds boring. Doesn’t everyone conjure up visions of a Buddhist monk sitting at the mouth of a mountain top cave when the word “wisdom” is mentioned? To a young adult, that sort of wisdom simply doesn’t sound all that appealing. Wisdom has gotten a bad rap over the years, because only old people are wise…and who wants to be old?
I put Project Wisdom on my mental back burner for several weeks, because I realized that the most daunting of all of the above drawbacks was the issue of being boring. I’ve lived 41 years, and I learned more than my share of life’s lessons, but I simply couldn’t think of a way to impart my ideas to my nephews without putting them to sleep. There were dozens of things I wanted to say to them, on topics ranging from love to money, friendship to courage, honor to loyalty…but for me to drone on about what I’ve seen and I’ve experienced, well…let’s just say I love my nephews too much to do that to them.
Then, a funny thing happened.
I sat down on a Thursday evening with a cold beer, slapped in my DVD of Lonesome Dove, began to watch it for the 10th time, and I had a revelation: Virtually every issue of life I wanted to talk to my nephews about was addressed in this film. The brilliant writer Larry McMurtry explored them all in his epic novel, and one of the finest casts of actors in the history of filmmaking had been assembled to act those issues out.
My job became amazingly easy. All I had to do was help my nephews see beyond the great story into the lessons it held.
And thus was born Lessons of Life from the Hat Creek Cattle Company. I believe the book will be useful to them for years to come, because they will age and their ability to think through difficult issues will increase. Initially, perhaps, it will be something they’ll do with their Dad’s…later perhaps as a senior in high school with a best friend…and later still maybe alone in a college dorm room, when their hearts are broken, or their wallets are empty, or life has taken a turn for the unfair.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that life is unfair. But somehow, that unfairness seems to sting less when you can look in the mirror and know that you did the right thing.
I will never hold a place in their lives remotely as important as their parents, but then again I am spared the difficult task of actually raising them. Their parents enjoy the most intimate, wonderful times, but must also endure the difficult times. They have their role clearly defined by societal norms, while mine is vague. I can be the cool uncle, the crazy uncle, the generous uncle, the carefree uncle…or, if I choose, the aloof and distant uncle.
I don’t know what combination of these I will be remembered as, but I’ve made certain it will not be the latter. I had one of those, and when we buried him I didn’t shed a tear. After all, one rarely cries over a stranger.
Anyway, a while back my brother’s son won the Exceptional Citizen Award from the school he attends. There was only one recipient, and it was a very big deal. The award shocked me, because it was so different from my behavior in school…. I was a popular kid, but I used my popularity like a self-centered pop star. I surrounded myself with the cool clique…I teased the unpopular kids…I scorned the un-coordinated kids…and I spoke nary a word to any girl I didn’t consider cute.
In short, I was a jerk, and I’m ashamed of it to this day.
My nephew, on the other hand, is an athletic and popular kid, but has used his popularity in a way that reveals an exceptional man in the making. The award he won sited the fact that he never speaks badly about a classmate…he is the first to encourage and compliment the class underdogs…he is the student who always reaches out to a classmate in need… and he is courteous and respectful to his teachers. He doesn’t know it, but he now holds in his mind the memories I wish I had from those years.
I wrote my nephew a letter to tell him how proud I was of him. I wrote a letter as opposed to stopping by and talking to him because no one writes letters anymore, and I knew it would have a deeper impact on him. I didn’t, however, just tell him I was proud of him; I told him why I was proud of him, and discussed at length some of the trials and tribulations he would encounter as he grew older…I did my best to help him understand how rare his gifts are, and how those gifts could serve him in the future…I talked to him like an adult, and said, “You’re on the right track. Be proud of yourself, and don’t change for anyone.”
Then, to my surprise and amazement, my sister’s son recently won a similar award. Different parents…but obviously this nephew has the same sort of gifts, and attitudes towards his fellow man.
And this got me to thinking…as an Uncle, what could I possibly offer these lads that might have an impact on their lives?
Then, on a long bike ride through the hills of Western Maryland, it occurred to me: Boys learn from their parents…and through good parenting become good men… but the one thing they usually fail to do is listen to their parents on matters concerning the years ahead. Parents have the ability to offer them decades of wisdom paid for with significant quantities of personal pain, but there’s something about the human psyche that causes us all to reject this most obvious and valuable of gifts. Like a moth to the light, it is our fate to bump up against that smoking hot orb called experience until we learn, or die.
So, on this bike ride, I decided my gift to my nephews would be wisdom.
There are, of course, several drawbacks to this plan.
First, who am I to impart wisdom? I have no serious qualifications, other than my willingness to sit at a keyboard and hunt and peck.
Second, why should my nephews listen to me? Sure, they’re probably more apt to listen to my thoughts on “the future” than those of their parents, but who under the age of 40 doesn’t think they know everything already?
And third, how can I discuss the concepts associated with making moral choices, and shaping one’s life around wise ideas, without being…well, boring? To someone under the age of 25, the mere mention of the word “wisdom” sounds boring. Doesn’t everyone conjure up visions of a Buddhist monk sitting at the mouth of a mountain top cave when the word “wisdom” is mentioned? To a young adult, that sort of wisdom simply doesn’t sound all that appealing. Wisdom has gotten a bad rap over the years, because only old people are wise…and who wants to be old?
I put Project Wisdom on my mental back burner for several weeks, because I realized that the most daunting of all of the above drawbacks was the issue of being boring. I’ve lived 41 years, and I learned more than my share of life’s lessons, but I simply couldn’t think of a way to impart my ideas to my nephews without putting them to sleep. There were dozens of things I wanted to say to them, on topics ranging from love to money, friendship to courage, honor to loyalty…but for me to drone on about what I’ve seen and I’ve experienced, well…let’s just say I love my nephews too much to do that to them.
Then, a funny thing happened.
I sat down on a Thursday evening with a cold beer, slapped in my DVD of Lonesome Dove, began to watch it for the 10th time, and I had a revelation: Virtually every issue of life I wanted to talk to my nephews about was addressed in this film. The brilliant writer Larry McMurtry explored them all in his epic novel, and one of the finest casts of actors in the history of filmmaking had been assembled to act those issues out.
My job became amazingly easy. All I had to do was help my nephews see beyond the great story into the lessons it held.
And thus was born Lessons of Life from the Hat Creek Cattle Company. I believe the book will be useful to them for years to come, because they will age and their ability to think through difficult issues will increase. Initially, perhaps, it will be something they’ll do with their Dad’s…later perhaps as a senior in high school with a best friend…and later still maybe alone in a college dorm room, when their hearts are broken, or their wallets are empty, or life has taken a turn for the unfair.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that life is unfair. But somehow, that unfairness seems to sting less when you can look in the mirror and know that you did the right thing.
Dear Nephews
Dear Will, Gordon, Hayden, James, Mason, Ben and Henry,
As my gift to you, I offer these words. It is my hope that it will spare you from taking the entire curriculum at The School of Hard Knocks.
You should know in advance that this book is not about how to succeed financially… it’s not about how to have an easy life… it’s not about how to be popular, or cool. It is simply a compilation of things I’ve learned in my life from my father, my friends, and through experience.
If I wanted to write you my thoughts on how to succeed financially, I could do it with these few words: Be ruthless, make no friends, and focus entirely on the pursuit of money.
If I wanted to write you my thoughts on how to have an easy life, I could do it with these few words: Go with the flow, and don’t get involved.
And if I wanted to write you my thoughts on how to be popular and cool, I’d say simply: Go along with the crowd… don’t make waves… spend your money on clothes and cars… and always agree with whomever you’re around.
But that’s not the point of this book.
So why write a book if it’s not to tell you how to be rich, popular, or cool? Because there’s a lot more to being a man than those things. Because being a man is very, very hard. Because many, many people in our country dislike and fear males who act like men, so they’ll tell you lies about what being a man is. And because one day you will be old… in fact, you may even die one day. And when that happens, I want you to leave this world like my Dad did… comfortable with his life and the battles he fought, and aware that -if nothing else- he served as a good example to those around him.
That’s the most we can hope for, and the best that we can be.
Love,
Uncle Lowe
Before Watching Part One…
There is one thing all men agree on about the film Lonesome Dove: Watching it makes you feel good.
Why? On the surface, it’s just a movie…but somehow this movie connects to men’s souls, and as we watch it we feel good about what we’re seeing. Why?
I believe it’s because we’re proud of the men we see on screen. We’re proud that men like those in the Hat Creek Cattle Company once walked the earth, and cut out of the Wild West the largest part of our great nation. These were men who lived and died like men… they took responsibility for their own lives, and neither the government nor an army of bottom-feeding TV lawyers was around to “take care of them.”
In the days of Lonesome Dove, a man had to answer for his actions. Say the wrong thing to the wrong man, you might end up battered and bruised. On that same line, if someone did you wrong, it was up to you to set things right. The rights of an individual were sacred, provided you were willing to defend them.
Step one in using this book is quite simple: Watch Part One of Lonesome Dove. After watching it, read the next section, which discusses some of the life lessons played out on screen.
The only commentary I’ll make before you begin watching is on the issue of simplicity. This is an extraordinarily important theme in the film, as simplicity is the invisible “thing” that men connect to as soon as the first scene begins.
As a young man, this feel- or desire- for simplicity is a bit confusing, because there’s nothing a young man wants more than “stuff.” Video games, a cool bike, cool clothes, toys of all sorts… then later a cool car, a cool apartment with cool furniture It’s a deep-seeded desire to have the things that other people look at, and say, “Check that guy out…that’s one cool cat.” This phenomenon is known as materialism, and it will ruin your life before your life has a chance to get started.
You see, Nephews, here’s the thing: Buying stuff costs money…and the older you get, the more stuff costs. And it’s not uncommon for a young man in his twenties to have a very cool car with a stereo that will vibrate the wheels, an apartment full of brand new furniture, a massive home entertainment center, a full set of appliances, maybe even a payment on a boat. And it never occurs to this young man that practically every penny he earns for the next 10 years will go to paying for these items.
Sure, he can afford them… because he foolishly bought them based on how much the “monthly payments” are… but he doesn’t see clearly that he doesn’t own this stuff…the stuff owns him.
Now look at Gus, Captain Call, and the other men in the Hat Creek Cattle Company… what is it about them that makes them so cool? Why do you and I look at them and say, “Now there’s a guy I want to be like?”
Now that I’m older and a little wiser, I can tell you it’s their simplicity.
They aren’t wearing expensive clothes with logos, or $150 basketball shoes, or double-breasted suits. They aren’t lounging around in a huge home, full of fancy furniture and computers and video technology. They don’t have a Hummer or a Porsche parked in the driveway.
And, yet, there is something about them that is admirable and, well, very cool.
Trust me, it is simplicity. They have what they need- functional clothes and boots, guns to defend themselves, horses for transportation, and chairs to sit on. And that’s about it.
With simplicity comes “peace of mind,” which is a fancy way of saying that you aren’t worrying all the time about the money you owe for your stuff…or if your stuff is going to break…or if your stuff is outdated by something new.
So start asking yourself now, as a young man, about the material possessions in your life… do I want this, or do I need this. I know when I was your age I used to whine to my parents that I needed the name-brand clothes and the latest shoes and the cool bike. I didn’t care what they cost, because I thought those things were what made me popular. Now, as a grown man, I understand…if all I’d ever worn were blue jeans and white t-shirts, I would have had the same friends, because real friends look at what’s inside. And who cares what anyone else thinks?
Watch and absorb the simplicity of these men’s lives during Part One. If you like what you see, try to make simplicity part of your life starting now.
So, here comes the easy part of using this book: Put it down, and grab some refreshments, and watch Part One (What sort of refreshments you grab will depend on how old you are.)
After Watching Part One
Lonesome Dove is an epic-length film, and thus allows ample time for the plot, characters, and themes to unfold. As a result, I’ll discuss things more as the film goes on, which allows you more time to view the men and their lives.
There are, however, a few nuggets of wisdom that reveal themselves right away.
Leadership Styles- Very early on, we see that The Hat Creek Cattle Company has two leaders: Captain Call and Gus. This is interesting, because the men are very different, but they both command respect. Captain Call is tough, quiet, and forceful…while Gus is likes to laugh and joke and tease everyone around him.
How can this be? How can two men who are almost exact opposites both be respected leaders?
Well, leadership is a strange thing, because there are several types of effective leadership. And to make leadership even more confusing, different people respond to different types of leadership. Some people perform best when the leader is pushing them, demanding more and more and more. Some people perform best when the leader praises them, complimenting them on their work and cheerleading them to do more.
There is, however, one aspect of leadership that surpasses all others…one thing that will make you a leader without even trying…and that one thing is earned respect. Leaders are often in leadership positions because they are the loudest, or the biggest, or the luckiest…but nothing takes the place of being a leader who is in that position because they have earned the team’s respect through hard work, persistence, and accomplishment.
In watching Lonesome Dove, you have the opportunity to watch two seasoned leaders practicing very different leadership styles…and clearly these men have done things in their past to earn (and maintain) the respect of everyone in the group. But ask yourself this: How would the Hat Creek Cattle Company do with only one of these leaders? Would they enjoy their lives if they had only Captain Call? Would they get anything done if they had only Gus? Often times, a leader must play the role of both Gus and Call, in order to keep the team moving ahead towards a common goal.
Some men are natural-born leaders, and if you are one of them you are blessed. But never doubt that the fundamentals of leadership can be learned…so never pass up the opportunity to read about leadership, or take courses that offer additional training. One day you will be a leader in a difficult situation, and leadership training might be the thing that brings you through it.
Gus and the Good Book- After spending the night playing cards in the saloon, Gus returns home to cook his biscuits and spend some time reading the Bible. Why do you suppose this detail is included?
It’s because this detail tells us volumes about Augustus McCray, and what he sees as truly important. Yes, he’s a tough, former Texas Ranger…yes, he plays cards and drinks whiskey and chases after women. And yes, he loves to tease his friends, and make fun of their every thought…but Gus taking time to read the Bible shows us that you don’t have to be a “goodie-goodie” to have respect for God. Bare that in mind as you walk through this life… there is someone up there watching you, and one day you’ll have to have a chat with him about many of the decisions you made along the way.
The Value of Moderation- During Part I, we see two very different uses of alcohol: We see Gus, who sips on his whiskey jug in a relaxed and controlled way, and we see Dish Boggett, who drinks a whole bottle of whiskey and comes staggering back to the ranch drunk.
Does Dish look cool to you? Does he look handsome, or strong, or anything but stupid? Would you think he would look cool getting behind the wheel of a car? Does he look like someone women would find attractive? There is a great deal of pressure and temptation for young men to drink too much alcohol, and being drunk is often treated as something cool…but I ask again, does Dish look cool to you? There is absolutely nothing wrong with drinking alcohol, but how much you drink can only be monitored by you. Do you want to be the Dish Boggett in the crowd? Or do you want to be the Gus McCray? One is falling down making a fool of himself, and the other is in control and cool.
You will be faced with this situation hundreds of times in your life, and only you can decide how you want to proceed.
Pea Eye and Josh Deets- There are two members of the Hat Creek Cattle company that you will want to keep an eye on during this film: Pea Eye and Josh Deets.
Pea Eye is a man with very little going for him, it seems. He is fairly unattractive, he is not strong, he is not smart or funny, and he doesn’t have any great talents that serve Gus and Call in some extraordinary way. And yet, both Gus and Call like him, and clearly consider him their friend. Why is this?
It’s because Gus and Call know that Pea Eye is a good man with a big heart. A good man doesn’t need to be handsome or strong or smart… he needs only to be loyal to his friends, and unafraid to help them when the need arises. Pea Eye is, as you will see, someone you can count on when the going gets tough. He doesn’t ask for attention or praise… he doesn’t add much to conversations… he doesn’t demonstrate any leadership qualities.
But you will understand one day, my Nephews, that a friend like Pea Eye is a very precious thing. And it is my hope that as you grow older, you’ll keep an eye out for men like Pea Eye, and befriend them if the opportunity arises. When you reach out to a good man like Pea Eye and offer him your friendship, he’ll spend the rest of his life paying you back for that gesture.
Josh Deets is also a good man with a big heart, and we learn a great deal from his relationship with Call and Gus. You see, in the days following the Civil War, black men were rarely treated with respect by white men, largely because white men thought they were better than blacks. This is not true, of course, but that was the way they thought back then.
As you can see, however, Gus and Call treat Deets with great respect. Like Pea Eye, they know Deets is a friend they can count on, and they are wise enough to know a true friend is more valuable than all the money in the world. When other white men were looking down on black men, Gus and Call reached out to Deets and offered their friendship… and as you will see, there is nothing Deets won’t do for them.
In closing out these thoughts on Pea Eye and Deets, let me say only this: Never judge a man by the way he speaks or looks, or by the clothes he wears, the car he drives, or the money he has. Judge a man by his actions. Anyone can look good or sound good or make a lot of money…it’s what a man does that makes him a man.
Dreams Versus Action- As soon as Captain Call decides he wants to take a herd of cattle to Montana, he puts his wheels into motion. He discusses it with his friend Gus…makes his decision…and away they go. He simply envisions a new adventure, realizes it is where his heart is leading him, and takes action on his dream.
The idea of “taking action on your dreams” is an extremely important part of Lonesome Dove…and although the concept may not make a great deal of sense to you right now, I’m going to explain it anyway. It is a concept that will make sense to you in the years ahead.
As a young man, taking action on your dreams is a natural part of your life. In fact, most of your energy goes into doing just that. You have a dream of making the basketball team, so you practice, practice, practice. You have a dream of making straight A’s, so you work hard in your studies. You have a dream of being a black belt in karate, so you give it all your energy. These are all worthy dreams, and because you have parents who take care of your essential needs, you are able to focus on making these dreams come true.
Someday, you will be in college, and your dreams will transform into more adult-level dreams… you may dream of being a doctor, so you really have to hit the books. You may have dreams of being a Marine Officer, in which case you’ll join the Naval ROTC program, and commit a great deal of time to physical fitness. Or you may dream of being an actor, an engineer, or a CPA, in which case you’ll need to follow the curriculum that will lead to that degree. These are all worthy dreams, and the world expects you to be a dreamer as a college-aged man. What else would you be at this age?
The day you graduate from college is the day the world wants you to stop dreaming. The world says to you, “It’s time to shape up, and get to work.” These days, lots of young folks refuse to listen to that demand, and instead take some time off to live in a fun place and work a job just to get by: Some move to the West and work in a ski resort…some move to New York City to experience life there…some just travel around, working odd jobs in order to see the country. I personally think this is wonderful, as it is just plain-old fun.
However… there will come a time- be it after college, or Med School, or a few years in a ski town- when the world’s pressures will get to you, and you will feel inside yourself, “Okay, enough fun and dreaming…it’s time to get to work. Time to start living a real life. Time to find a wife…time to buy a house and furniture…time to become an average tax-paying citizen (or, perhaps time to earn my fortune).”
Now listen to me carefully here… There is nothing wrong with these things- wife, children, home- they can be the very best things in life…but you need to understand what’s about to happen. Society will tell you, “Young man, you are an adult now. You need to buy a home, fill it to the ceiling with furniture, get a nice car, get a few credit cards, treat yourself to a boat and some other toys… and THAT will make you a man.”
And the truth is that having these things does feel good. But… you have just exchanged your ability to act on your dreams for a mortgage, car/boat payments, insurance, taxes, and credit card payments. You now owe so many people so much money that you can no longer “gather a herd of cattle and strike out for Montana.”
Now, please understand that not everyone wants to maintain the ability to gather a herd and head to Montana…in fact, most people don’t. But if you think you might be one of these life-long dreamers, you need to be very, very, very selective about who you ask to be your wife.
Why? Because almost everyone thinks it’s normal to be up to their eyeballs in debt, and debt is the great dream crusher. And if you want to stay out of debt, you will need a wife who thinks exactly like you on that matter. Love alone cannot overcome this issue. (That statement will sound absurd the first time you fall in love, because you will think love can conquer anything, but believe me it can’t.) If you marry a woman who wants lots of material possessions, her desire for those things will overwhelm your desire to stay out of debt. And before long, you will be working everyday just to pay the bills.
Now, if I were you, I’d be asking what the happy medium is. How do you live in this world and enjoy yourself, but avoid the traps of debt… and find a loving woman who thinks the way you do?
The answer, if you choose to follow it, is back a few pages: Simplicity.
You stake your ground in life as a simple man of simple tastes… then always be yourself. If you drive a used truck in order to avoid debt, then only a woman unimpressed with fancy cars will show interest in you. If you wear blue jeans and a khaki shirt as you standard attire, then only a woman unimpressed by fancy clothes will show interest in you.
If you live in an inexpensive apartment (or buy an inexpensive house) and fill it with simple furniture, then no woman who insists on a big house and fancy furniture will show interest in you. Simply by being yourself, and refusing to act like someone you’re not in order to impress others, you are avoiding serious relationships with women who aren’t attracted to the real you.
And what do you do with the money you earn? All the money that you have available because you’re not sending it to the credit card company or paying the bank every month? Well, after you give 10% a month to the church or a charity, you do what Gus and Captain Call did: You save it.
Why?
So it’s there, built up and available for when you decide it’s time to drive a herd of cattle to Montana.
Now, take a break from reading and consider the ideas I’ve discussed…maybe jot down your own thoughts. And when you’re ready, watch Part Two.
There are, however, a few nuggets of wisdom that reveal themselves right away.
Leadership Styles- Very early on, we see that The Hat Creek Cattle Company has two leaders: Captain Call and Gus. This is interesting, because the men are very different, but they both command respect. Captain Call is tough, quiet, and forceful…while Gus is likes to laugh and joke and tease everyone around him.
How can this be? How can two men who are almost exact opposites both be respected leaders?
Well, leadership is a strange thing, because there are several types of effective leadership. And to make leadership even more confusing, different people respond to different types of leadership. Some people perform best when the leader is pushing them, demanding more and more and more. Some people perform best when the leader praises them, complimenting them on their work and cheerleading them to do more.
There is, however, one aspect of leadership that surpasses all others…one thing that will make you a leader without even trying…and that one thing is earned respect. Leaders are often in leadership positions because they are the loudest, or the biggest, or the luckiest…but nothing takes the place of being a leader who is in that position because they have earned the team’s respect through hard work, persistence, and accomplishment.
In watching Lonesome Dove, you have the opportunity to watch two seasoned leaders practicing very different leadership styles…and clearly these men have done things in their past to earn (and maintain) the respect of everyone in the group. But ask yourself this: How would the Hat Creek Cattle Company do with only one of these leaders? Would they enjoy their lives if they had only Captain Call? Would they get anything done if they had only Gus? Often times, a leader must play the role of both Gus and Call, in order to keep the team moving ahead towards a common goal.
Some men are natural-born leaders, and if you are one of them you are blessed. But never doubt that the fundamentals of leadership can be learned…so never pass up the opportunity to read about leadership, or take courses that offer additional training. One day you will be a leader in a difficult situation, and leadership training might be the thing that brings you through it.
Gus and the Good Book- After spending the night playing cards in the saloon, Gus returns home to cook his biscuits and spend some time reading the Bible. Why do you suppose this detail is included?
It’s because this detail tells us volumes about Augustus McCray, and what he sees as truly important. Yes, he’s a tough, former Texas Ranger…yes, he plays cards and drinks whiskey and chases after women. And yes, he loves to tease his friends, and make fun of their every thought…but Gus taking time to read the Bible shows us that you don’t have to be a “goodie-goodie” to have respect for God. Bare that in mind as you walk through this life… there is someone up there watching you, and one day you’ll have to have a chat with him about many of the decisions you made along the way.
The Value of Moderation- During Part I, we see two very different uses of alcohol: We see Gus, who sips on his whiskey jug in a relaxed and controlled way, and we see Dish Boggett, who drinks a whole bottle of whiskey and comes staggering back to the ranch drunk.
Does Dish look cool to you? Does he look handsome, or strong, or anything but stupid? Would you think he would look cool getting behind the wheel of a car? Does he look like someone women would find attractive? There is a great deal of pressure and temptation for young men to drink too much alcohol, and being drunk is often treated as something cool…but I ask again, does Dish look cool to you? There is absolutely nothing wrong with drinking alcohol, but how much you drink can only be monitored by you. Do you want to be the Dish Boggett in the crowd? Or do you want to be the Gus McCray? One is falling down making a fool of himself, and the other is in control and cool.
You will be faced with this situation hundreds of times in your life, and only you can decide how you want to proceed.
Pea Eye and Josh Deets- There are two members of the Hat Creek Cattle company that you will want to keep an eye on during this film: Pea Eye and Josh Deets.
Pea Eye is a man with very little going for him, it seems. He is fairly unattractive, he is not strong, he is not smart or funny, and he doesn’t have any great talents that serve Gus and Call in some extraordinary way. And yet, both Gus and Call like him, and clearly consider him their friend. Why is this?
It’s because Gus and Call know that Pea Eye is a good man with a big heart. A good man doesn’t need to be handsome or strong or smart… he needs only to be loyal to his friends, and unafraid to help them when the need arises. Pea Eye is, as you will see, someone you can count on when the going gets tough. He doesn’t ask for attention or praise… he doesn’t add much to conversations… he doesn’t demonstrate any leadership qualities.
But you will understand one day, my Nephews, that a friend like Pea Eye is a very precious thing. And it is my hope that as you grow older, you’ll keep an eye out for men like Pea Eye, and befriend them if the opportunity arises. When you reach out to a good man like Pea Eye and offer him your friendship, he’ll spend the rest of his life paying you back for that gesture.
Josh Deets is also a good man with a big heart, and we learn a great deal from his relationship with Call and Gus. You see, in the days following the Civil War, black men were rarely treated with respect by white men, largely because white men thought they were better than blacks. This is not true, of course, but that was the way they thought back then.
As you can see, however, Gus and Call treat Deets with great respect. Like Pea Eye, they know Deets is a friend they can count on, and they are wise enough to know a true friend is more valuable than all the money in the world. When other white men were looking down on black men, Gus and Call reached out to Deets and offered their friendship… and as you will see, there is nothing Deets won’t do for them.
In closing out these thoughts on Pea Eye and Deets, let me say only this: Never judge a man by the way he speaks or looks, or by the clothes he wears, the car he drives, or the money he has. Judge a man by his actions. Anyone can look good or sound good or make a lot of money…it’s what a man does that makes him a man.
Dreams Versus Action- As soon as Captain Call decides he wants to take a herd of cattle to Montana, he puts his wheels into motion. He discusses it with his friend Gus…makes his decision…and away they go. He simply envisions a new adventure, realizes it is where his heart is leading him, and takes action on his dream.
The idea of “taking action on your dreams” is an extremely important part of Lonesome Dove…and although the concept may not make a great deal of sense to you right now, I’m going to explain it anyway. It is a concept that will make sense to you in the years ahead.
As a young man, taking action on your dreams is a natural part of your life. In fact, most of your energy goes into doing just that. You have a dream of making the basketball team, so you practice, practice, practice. You have a dream of making straight A’s, so you work hard in your studies. You have a dream of being a black belt in karate, so you give it all your energy. These are all worthy dreams, and because you have parents who take care of your essential needs, you are able to focus on making these dreams come true.
Someday, you will be in college, and your dreams will transform into more adult-level dreams… you may dream of being a doctor, so you really have to hit the books. You may have dreams of being a Marine Officer, in which case you’ll join the Naval ROTC program, and commit a great deal of time to physical fitness. Or you may dream of being an actor, an engineer, or a CPA, in which case you’ll need to follow the curriculum that will lead to that degree. These are all worthy dreams, and the world expects you to be a dreamer as a college-aged man. What else would you be at this age?
The day you graduate from college is the day the world wants you to stop dreaming. The world says to you, “It’s time to shape up, and get to work.” These days, lots of young folks refuse to listen to that demand, and instead take some time off to live in a fun place and work a job just to get by: Some move to the West and work in a ski resort…some move to New York City to experience life there…some just travel around, working odd jobs in order to see the country. I personally think this is wonderful, as it is just plain-old fun.
However… there will come a time- be it after college, or Med School, or a few years in a ski town- when the world’s pressures will get to you, and you will feel inside yourself, “Okay, enough fun and dreaming…it’s time to get to work. Time to start living a real life. Time to find a wife…time to buy a house and furniture…time to become an average tax-paying citizen (or, perhaps time to earn my fortune).”
Now listen to me carefully here… There is nothing wrong with these things- wife, children, home- they can be the very best things in life…but you need to understand what’s about to happen. Society will tell you, “Young man, you are an adult now. You need to buy a home, fill it to the ceiling with furniture, get a nice car, get a few credit cards, treat yourself to a boat and some other toys… and THAT will make you a man.”
And the truth is that having these things does feel good. But… you have just exchanged your ability to act on your dreams for a mortgage, car/boat payments, insurance, taxes, and credit card payments. You now owe so many people so much money that you can no longer “gather a herd of cattle and strike out for Montana.”
Now, please understand that not everyone wants to maintain the ability to gather a herd and head to Montana…in fact, most people don’t. But if you think you might be one of these life-long dreamers, you need to be very, very, very selective about who you ask to be your wife.
Why? Because almost everyone thinks it’s normal to be up to their eyeballs in debt, and debt is the great dream crusher. And if you want to stay out of debt, you will need a wife who thinks exactly like you on that matter. Love alone cannot overcome this issue. (That statement will sound absurd the first time you fall in love, because you will think love can conquer anything, but believe me it can’t.) If you marry a woman who wants lots of material possessions, her desire for those things will overwhelm your desire to stay out of debt. And before long, you will be working everyday just to pay the bills.
Now, if I were you, I’d be asking what the happy medium is. How do you live in this world and enjoy yourself, but avoid the traps of debt… and find a loving woman who thinks the way you do?
The answer, if you choose to follow it, is back a few pages: Simplicity.
You stake your ground in life as a simple man of simple tastes… then always be yourself. If you drive a used truck in order to avoid debt, then only a woman unimpressed with fancy cars will show interest in you. If you wear blue jeans and a khaki shirt as you standard attire, then only a woman unimpressed by fancy clothes will show interest in you.
If you live in an inexpensive apartment (or buy an inexpensive house) and fill it with simple furniture, then no woman who insists on a big house and fancy furniture will show interest in you. Simply by being yourself, and refusing to act like someone you’re not in order to impress others, you are avoiding serious relationships with women who aren’t attracted to the real you.
And what do you do with the money you earn? All the money that you have available because you’re not sending it to the credit card company or paying the bank every month? Well, after you give 10% a month to the church or a charity, you do what Gus and Captain Call did: You save it.
Why?
So it’s there, built up and available for when you decide it’s time to drive a herd of cattle to Montana.
Now, take a break from reading and consider the ideas I’ve discussed…maybe jot down your own thoughts. And when you’re ready, watch Part Two.
After Watching Part Two
There are a number of life’s lessons I want to discuss from Part II. Some are mere sentences or seconds in the overall film, but they conjure of images from my past, and I wish someone had explained to me. There have been hundreds of books written by brilliant men on each of these topics…but I am not brilliant, and I don’t have the patience to read hundreds of books. So, as you’ll see, I write just a little about each. What I write is a starting point for you to consider and explore these ideas…the smartest thing you can do is to discuss them with your father. Or, as you get older, discuss them with your friends. Many, many, many ideas have no clear easy-to-find answer, and the trick is to make peace with this fact early on, as a young man.
The Water Moccasins- Newt’s friend dies a horrible and undeserved death while crossing the river. He did nothing wrong, yet something bad happened to him.
It seems enormously unfair.
The truth is that bad things do happen to good people, and no one knows why. It is such a difficult issue, that it even keeps some people from believing in God.
If you are a Christian, which I am, you will one day understand that God has a plan for the entire world, and everyone in it. He has the ability to fix things through miracles, but he often doesn’t. Why is this? If God loves us, why doesn’t he fix all the world’s problems?
This is a tough issue, and one that you’ll have to study as you study the Christian faith, but the short answer is this: If God fixed every problem, then it wouldn’t really be “life,” would it? If every time you hit a golf ball it was a hole in one…and every time you took a test you automatically got a 100…and if every time someone got sick God healed them… well, it wouldn’t be human life. We have joy, because we also know sadness. We feel good about success because our efforts kept us from failing. We are happy when we receive Christmas and Birthday gifts, because they are special, and only come twice a year.
If you got everything you ever wanted, you would be bored… or worse. Just look at all the rock stars, movie stars, and rich people that end up addicted to drugs or alcohol… or even kill themselves. Why does this happen? It seems crazy, because they have everything! Well, the truth is that that’s usually the problem. Suddenly they do have everything, and they realize that having everything isn’t enough to make them happy.
Bad things happen to good people. You’ll see it time and time again. And like the Hat Creek men did, the most you can do is try to help… maybe even risking your life if the occasion warrants it. But if that fails, you simply need to say your prayers, and ride away. Spending your life looking back at sad and unfair situations is no way to live.
The San Antonio Bartender – There was a significant lesson learned in that bar in San Antonio, when Gus McCray put an ass whippin’ on the surly bartender.
Simply stated, the life lesson we learned is never be rude to someone you don’t know. In the case of the bartender, he made the mistake of sassing a person he thought was “just an old man,” but who turned out to be a very tough former Texas Ranger. I have a friend who thought he was tough, and pushed around a much smaller guy, only to find out via a kick in the face that the little guy had a black belt in karate. Be aware, my Nephews… that other guy might be a cop, a badass, or a stone-cold killer. He might be a guy who just lost his job, or broke up with his girlfriend, or had a really, really bad day. You don’t need to back down from a fight when someone challenges you, but avoid starting trouble at all costs.
Also, remember what Captain Call said to Gus as they rode away: “You’re lucky they didn’t put you in jail.” The police don’t like it when people fight, and they’ll often times throw the winner in jail, even if the winner didn’t start it. And jail? That’s bad. Trust me.
Gus and Claire- While in San Antonio, Gus speaks at length about his love for Claire, and how letting her go was the greatest mistake he ever made. He seems very genuine in his pain, and we can’t help but wish he’d married her when he had the chance.
But the issue isn’t so simple. And it won’t be simple when you encounter it for yourself.
You see, Gus is thinking about “what might have been.” And in his mind, he has built up how wonderful life with Claire would have been. He’s not thinking about any hard times he and Claire may have had… he’s not thinking about all the adventures with Captain Call he would have missed out on… he’s not thinking about all the fun times he’s had since he lost Claire. He’s thinking only about “the sunny slopes of long ago,” where we only remember the good parts… and he’s projecting those forward, and thinking the “what might have been” would have been nothing but wonderful. This not the case… but we as humans torture ourselves with this all the time.
Beginning at age 12 or 13, we begin making decisions from which there is no return. We consider the options available, and we head down a chosen path… from which there is often no going back. When you are very young, you make decisions like, “Am I going to be a complete dumbass and try drugs or cigarettes?”
As a teenager you decide what college to go to. In your very early twenties you decide what to study in college. In your mid-twenties to thirties you encounter even bigger decisions…decisions about work, marriage, and having children. And for every one of these decisions you make, there will be dozens of options you didn’t choose.
Consider this: Right now, in some town in the US, there is an accountant who is miserable. Every day he gets up, and thinks, “I should have been an actor. I should have taken a chance, and gone to New York… I could’ve made it, and right now I’d be a star.” There is also, however, a guy in New York trying to make it as an actor who drives cabs at night to pay the bills, and he’s miserable too. Every day he thinks, “I can’t believe I majored in theatre in college…I could have been an accountant, and had a regular life and a regular paycheck, and life would be awesome.”
Who’s right? Who made the wise choice? It’s impossible to know. In the end, the only way to make the right choice is to make a choice, then focus entirely on the good things in your life. Spending your time asking yourself, “What if? What if?” does you no good. If you choose to, you can keep your options open in the manner I discussed earlier, but if you decide not to, then look to the future of the path you’ve chosen with optimism and enthusiasm. No one likes a man who lives his life with one eye on the rear view mirror… in fact, that kind of man rarely likes himself.
Call and Maggie- Gus makes no bones about harassing Call for failing to show his love for Maggie. Call replies that Maggie was just a “whore,” and there was no reason for him to be kind to her. (Let me point out here that prostitution is a terrible thing, painful and destructive for both the woman and the man. However, in the late 1800s, the only un-married women who lived out west were prostitutes, so it was common for men to be involved with them.)
There is, however, an important lesson we can learn from this scene.
Captain Call is, in reality, remorseful for his meanness to Maggie. He knows she loved him, and he failed to even be kind to her…and he must live with that fact for the rest of his life. Well, my Nephews, you too will be haunted by the memories of the times you were mean to someone. You will one day be my age, and you will still look back at the way you behaved in 6th grade, and you will say to yourself, “I can’t believe I did that…I wish I could go back and be nicer to that person.” There are very few times in my entire life, age 10 to 41, where I don’t look back with regret at having been mean to someone.
So what’s the answer? Make kindness to others a huge part of your life. Try to be the kind of person in all situations that causes others to say, “Wow…that’s one high-quality dude.” I’m not talking about the situations where you must fight for what’s right… I’m not saying you need to be kind to someone who’s trying to bully you or a friend… I’m talking about seizing the opportunity to be kind when the opportunity arises. You will never regret having done so.
PoCampo, the New Cook – When Gus and Call hire PoCampo to join the Hat Creek Cattle Company as their new cook, they are shocked to hear he does not ride horses. He tells them, “It is not civilized.”
This is a situation where a man makes a decision based on a principle, and stands by it. (A principle is a core value you believe in…and you say, “I believe in this principle because it is morally right.”) You will develop dozens of principles in which you believe as you grow older, and knowing your parents I believe all your principles will be good ones.
Principles, however, are a funny thing.
Once you develop a principle, and truly believe in it, you must be true to it. If you fail to, then it ceases to be a principle. Here’s an example: Let’s say you believe in the principle “It is wrong to steal.” That’s an easy one, right? Well, what about when the cashier at the store gives you too much change? Is it okay to keep it? The answer, if you believe it’s wrong to steal, is “No, it’s not okay to keep the extra change.” If you do, you are stealing from the storeowner; in addition, the cashier will probably get in trouble when she adds up her money that night and finds she is short.
I believed it was okay to keep the extra change until I was about 20, at which time a philosophy professor explained to me the example stated above. I then realized I had been wrong, because keeping the change was not in line with my principle that “stealing is wrong.” I’ve never kept the extra change since then.
So what does this mean? It means that it is possible to refine your principles as you mature, and learn from life. It is my hope that when you refine your principles, it will always be for the better… but know this: There are lots of people who refine their principles for the worse. People who simply act like PoCampo, and say “I do not believe in riding animals,” when they are in front of you and others… maybe they even get involved in trying to pass laws making it illegal to ride animals… then they go home and ride animals when no one is looking.
These kind of people are a poison to the world. If you have a friend or business associate that you discover refines their principles for the worse, break away from them. Period. They will, one day, use their lies and lack of real principles to betray you as well.
The Blue Duck Showdown- As you saw, Gus had a showdown with Blue Duck by the creek, and he allowed Blue Duck to go on his way without a gunfight between them. Gus was not afraid, so why did he do this? As we saw, Gus’s decision to let Blue Duck go resulted in Laurie being stolen, and almost immediately Gus regretted his action. “I should’ve killed Blue Duck when I had the chance,” Gus said.
So what can we learn from this?
Well, the fact is that the chance to “take action and do something right” passed Gus by. Perhaps he over-thought the situation, and considered too carefully the fact that he might’ve been killed by Blue Duck, or perhaps that Laurie may have tried to run out to stop the fight and been hurt herself. Whatever the reason, he did not act… and the result was indeed very bad.
What Gus failed to have at this moment (which we see Gus almost always has) is a thing called “situational awareness.” Nicknamed simply SA, situational awareness is the ability to size up a scary or intense situation, then act appropriately and decisively. Having good SA is what enables you to act correctly when everyone around you is panicking. Good SA will save your life dozens of times…so often you won’t even notice it.
The wonderful thing about SA is that it can be developed, and practiced. Let me give you an example: Most people drive their cars like idiots…they drive down the road totally oblivious to the other cars around them, and assume everything is going to be fine. This, however, is not the case… and that’s why there are so many car crashes. One oblivious idiot runs into another. A good driver, however, has strong SA.
When they drive they are constantly taking in information, processing it, and preparing to act. They constantly check their rearview mirrors…they check their blind spots…they analyze the speed of the cars in front of them and behind them…they look way down the road for approaching trouble… and they are processing all this information to enable them to act if an idiot driver does something stupid. This is a driver with good SA, and they developed this SA through practice. They certainly didn’t have it the day they started driving!
You can apply SA to all facets of your life. You can think through- in advance- what you’d do if there was a fire in your house… what you’d do if you saw a car crash, and it looked like people needed help… what you’d do if you saw someone have a heart attack… and by thinking these things through, and envisioning your actions, you are preparing yourself to think and act when a totally unexpected situation arises.
Some professions train you to have SA- Military Officers, ER Doctors, Police and Firefighters, and more- but most people don’t choose careers that offer SA training.
If you don’t, then you’ll need to develop it on your own.
Why? Because even as a young man you’ll need it. Suppose you are walking down the street with a date, and you see three tough, suspicious looking dudes hanging around up ahead… what are you going to do? Without SA, you’ll just keep walking, and you’ll put that young lady in danger simply by being stupid. By sizing up the situation, making a quick decision, and taking action, you can keep you and your date safe.
The bottom line in this situation is that Gus’s SA, which is normally excellent, failed him. His thoughts should have been, “ I recognize that man. It’s Blue Duck. He’s a killer, wanted dead or alive. If I don’t act, I’ll endanger Laurie and my friends. I must act!”
And he should’ve drawn his pistol and started the fight.
Chances are almost zero you’ll ever be in a situation that requires that specific kind of SA, but- trust me- developing your SA is one of the smartest things you’ll ever do.
Laurie’s Capture- Jake Spoon left Laurie behind in their camp while he went to gamble. As a result, Blue Duck captured Laurie, and sold her to a group of vicious outlaws. This would not have happened if Jake had been a man, and lived up to the responsibilities he’d undertaken.
Responsibility can be a confusing thing, because as a young man you probably think responsibility is limited to things you agree to. Someone asks you to do something… you agree to do it… and it then becomes your responsibility. If you don’t discuss it, and agree to do it, then it’s not really your responsibility.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
There are many, many responsibilities you assume, without there being any discussion whatsoever. The most obvious of these for a young man is driving with other people in your car. Most young men think, “Hey, they got in the car…it was their choice to get in… I’m not responsible.” And when someone in the car encourages the driver to drive fast, or burn out, or run a stop sign, the driver simply obliges them. Why not? It’s fun, and everyone thinks the driver is cool for taking risks.
Listen up, Men… that ain’t the case. As soon as someone gets in your car, you have an immediate responsibility to them and their parents to drive safely. Period. Even if they are cheering you on to be stupid, you have a responsibility because your actions affect their lives… and the lives of everyone in their family.
So what do you do? You say, “Listen up…right now I have a responsibility to keep you alive and out of the hospital while you’re in my car. If you want to ride with a stupid driver, find a stupid driver to give you a ride.”
As I said earlier, you have lots of responsibilities you don’t necessarily agree to… you are responsible for the safety of any girl you take out on a date… you have a responsibility to stand up for people weaker than you… you have a responsibility to tell people who ask you to try drugs, “Drugs are for wimps, geeks and losers. I’m none of those. Are you?” You have a responsibility to use your God-given gifts to help other people.
Jake Spoon…well, he failed in his responsibility to protect a woman he was dating. He didn’t think it through, and probably said to himself, “Heck, she’ll be fine. I won’t be gone long. What could happen? I want to go play cards, and don’t I get to do what I want to do?”
As a result of his failure to live up to a responsibility, a woman was hurt very badly.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Blue Duck Shoots the “Chigger” - As you no doubt recall, Blue Duck shot a young Indian who did not want to gamble, for no other reason than the fact they disagreed. Upon seeing this, one of the men commented, “My God, life is cheap up here on the Canadian (River)”
Life is always cheap among men like these- they are murderous scum, so killing comes easy to them. Life means nothing, so why not kill someone who disagrees with you?
I’m quite certain you will never hang around with men who are killers; chances are you will never even know a murderer in your entire life. But the thing I want you to understand that is that there is no honor among men who are dishonest.
Let’s say you have a friend you know lies to people…do you think he won’t lie to you, just because you are friends? He will. He’ll lie to you whenever it suits him, and he’ll use the fact you trust him to his benefit.
Or, let’s say you have a friend who sells a little pot from time to time… he seems like a nice guy otherwise, so why shouldn’t you hang around with him- especially if you aren’t selling pot yourself? Because, my Nephews, he is a criminal, and he has no respect for the law or the people he’s hurting. And if the cops catch him, and he can avoid going to jail by saying the drugs were yours, he will. He won’t think twice about it! Why? Because he’s a criminal to start with! You might think you two are friends, but he has no friends other himself and the money he makes.
When you get older, you will find that you end up making friends in the field in which you work… maybe guys who work at the same company as you, or guys who work in the same general field… you know, they buy the services or equipment your company sells, or maybe you sell stuff to them and their company.
You will want to pay very close attention to what these friends do, and what they tell you about themselves. If you hear them talking about how they “take things” from the office, then you can bet they will “take things” from you. If you hear them tell you about how they cheat on their wives or girlfriends, then you can be sure they will cheat you if they can. If they stab other people in the back to work their way up in the company, then you can bet they will stab you in the back.
My point here is pretty simple: Blue Duck was a killer, so he thought nothing of killing that unarmed man. If you have a friend who is a liar, he will think nothing of lying to you if it will benefit himself.
Let me tell you a little fable that will help you understand: There was a fox getting ready to swim across a river, when a scorpion crawled alongside him and asked for a ride across.
The fox said, “No way! You are a scorpion, and you might sting me!”
The scorpion said, “Why would I do that? If I stung you, you’d die, and sink…and because I’d be riding on your back, I’d drown when you went under the water.”
The fox thought about it, and said, “Well, that’s true. Hop on, and I’ll give you a ride across.”
When they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the fox. The poison went to work immediately, and the fox couldn’t swim anymore. As the two of them started to sink under the water, the fox cried, “Why did you do it?!! Now we are both going to die!”
And the last thing the scorpion said before the water washed over him was, “I couldn’t help it…I’m a scorpion, and it is in my nature.”
Men who are dishonest are the same way- whether they are liars, or drug dealers, or cheaters, or just generally dishonest- these things are in their nature. And just like the scorpion, when the time comes and you give them a ride, they will sting you, too.
Gus Rescues Laurie- With July Johnson by his side, Gus rode into the camp full of armed men, and killed them all. July didn’t even fire a shot.
How was he able to do this?
One word: Experience.
There is no substitute in life for experience. Everything is hard before it is easy, because you have to gain experience for it to become easy. This applies to sports, schoolwork, your profession… it applies to everything. In order to do something well, you must take the time to learn the fundamentals, then you must practice them. Practice is often boring, but it’s the only way you’ll ever be really good at something!
I have found a trick to shortening the length of time between being a beginner and being able to do something successfully. It took me most of my life to learn this trick- because I never wanted to admit I was a beginner at anything- but I finally figured it out. The trick? Well, the trick is based on the fact that everyone likes to be asked for advice… and if you ask someone for advice, they will almost always help you! So, when I want to try something new, I go to someone who’s already good at it, and say, “Hey, you look like you’re good at this… and I don’t know a thing about it. What should I know before I get started? What lessons can you teach me that would help a beginner?”
Unless the person you ask is a total loser, they will bend over backwards to help you. Why? Because you took the time to recognize and compliment their talents, and now they will want to pay you back for your kind words.
Using this trick is difficult for many men, because men want to be good at everything right away. Men hate the idea that someone else has a skill they don’t. But I’m here to tell you… if you can get past that, not only will you learn faster from people who can teach you, you’ll actually have fun in the beginner stage. Why? Because you’ve admitted you are a beginner, so you’re expected to look goofy while you learn. Without the pressure to look cool, you might actually have fun during the learning process!
There’s also a second lesson from this scene, although it’s a little more subtle. Why was Gus able to ride into the camp and surprise them in the first place?
The answer is as old as the military itself… and it goes along with one of the first “sayings” I learned as a Marine. The saying? The road to hell is paved with the corpses of 2nd Lieutenants who failed to post security.
The idea is that you’re never totally safe. If you are a military unit, you cannot allow everyone to snuggle up in their sleeping bags and sleep all night- you have to have men on post away from camp, listen and observing! If someone approaches, you have a man ready to sound the alarm, and open fire. If those Indians had posted security, their sentry would have seen Gus coming, and could have shot first. This would have woken the others, and they could have fought back.
It is my advice you “post security” throughout your life, in everything you do. You don’t need to be paranoid, but you need to make security part of you Situational Awareness. You need a gun in your home, and you need to be trained to use it. During business deals, you need to consider, “What if the other guy is lying to me?” When you are driving you need to think, “What am I going to do if that guy over there does something stupid?”
Like I said, there’s no need to go through life thinking other people are out to get you… but it’s always smart to “post security.” It’s better to have security and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
The Murder of July’s Friends- Upon returning from the shootout with the Indians, July finds his step-son Joe, his best friend Roscoe, and the girl Janie dead. He realizes it was his fault, because he failed to listen to Gus, who told him to stay behind.
For a man, this is a very difficult scene to watch, because July was in a “No Win” situation. Gus told him to stay behind, and he should have. However, there was only a chance that his friends would be in danger, but he knew for a fact that Gus would be in danger… and he didn’t want to let Gus down. In addition, he didn’t know about all of Gus’s experience- didn’t know that Gus would be fine without his help- and for all July knew, Gus was just saying he didn’t need help.
You will find yourself in situations like this throughout your life- situations where you are presented with limited amounts of uncertain information- and you will be asked to make decisions. What do you do? You analyze the available information, and you act. You act like a man, and do the thing you feel is most right.
There will be times, however, when you return from the path you chose, only to find you made the wrong decision. You did what you thought was right, only to find it was wrong. It is very painful, this kind of hard lesson… especially when it’s a situation like July’s. He did do the right thing, going with Gus. But it turned out very, very badly.
What can you do about it, after the fact?
Nothing, except heed Gus’s advice to July when he said, “Yesterday’s gone. You can’t get it back.”
Yesterday is gone. And when you can learn from your mistakes, you do. But sometimes you can’t, because you did the right thing to begin with. In that case, you can only bury the dead, and ride on. Looking back and torturing yourself over what might have been is of no value to anyone.
The Slippery Slope of Jake Spoon- While playing cards with three very bad brothers, Jake Spoon makes a mistake that men often make: He compromises his standards in order to look cool, and fit in with the crowd. The brothers ask him if he has a problem with robbing banks, and instead of saying, “I believe in obeying the law,” he says what he thinks they want to hear.
Compromising your standards is sometimes called a “slippery slope,” because it’s like stepping out onto an ice-covered hillside. You slip just a little at first… then as you attempt to regain your footing you slip more. As you struggle against that slip, you slide even more. And the more you try to regain your balance, the more you slide down. Before long, you’re flat on your butt sliding full-speed down the slope, wondering how you went from just stepping onto the slope to sliding out of control.
So how did you get there, sliding full-speed down the hill? It’s easy… you took the first step onto the slippery slope, and from there you were no longer in control.
Jake’s first step onto the slippery slope was to tell these men that he didn’t object to robbing banks. Once he’d done that, the men seemed to like him…and they asked if he wanted to ride with them to get away from the saloon and the soon-to-arrive lawmen. And look what happened… Jake was already out on the slope, so why not slide down the slope a little further? And in less than five minutes, Jake Spoon went from being a respected former Texas Ranger to riding with outlaws.
And trust me, you will see Jake pay an awful price for taking that first step out onto the slippery slope.
Laurie and Gus- After rescuing Laurie from the gang, Gus and Laurie end up in the Adobe Walls, where Gus asks her to play cards to keep her mind off the trauma she’s been through. When Laurie begins to cry again, Gus tells her, “Go ahead and cry it out to old Gus… you got to much life ahead of you to let this ruin you.”
Believe it or not, there are going to be things in your life that will be so bad, you’ll think at the time you’ll never get over them. And sadly, some people let the past rule their lives… every minute of every day. As an older, wiser man, Gus knows this, and he’s trying to get Laurie to put the past behind her.
These days, we have therapy and medication and syndromes and diseases and names for everything, and the truth be known there’s nothing wrong with using these tools to help you get past something traumatic. But the issue is that it’s important to get over things from your past that haunt you. If you don’t, it might ruin all the great days ahead.
Remember what Gus said to July: The past is gone, and you can’t get it back.
I should also point out one of the few things I’ve learned about women, which Gus obviously knows: A woman in pain usually just wants you to listen to her talk… and that’s what Gus does. He doesn’t tell her how he’s going to fix the situation, and kill Blue Duck for her… he just listens. The best book ever written on this topic is entitled Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I’m not much into self-help books, but read that one. You’ll learn more about women than you’d learn in five lifetimes.
Now, it’s time to take a break from all this reading. When you are ready, watch Part Three of the movie. We’ll pick up after that.
The Water Moccasins- Newt’s friend dies a horrible and undeserved death while crossing the river. He did nothing wrong, yet something bad happened to him.
It seems enormously unfair.
The truth is that bad things do happen to good people, and no one knows why. It is such a difficult issue, that it even keeps some people from believing in God.
If you are a Christian, which I am, you will one day understand that God has a plan for the entire world, and everyone in it. He has the ability to fix things through miracles, but he often doesn’t. Why is this? If God loves us, why doesn’t he fix all the world’s problems?
This is a tough issue, and one that you’ll have to study as you study the Christian faith, but the short answer is this: If God fixed every problem, then it wouldn’t really be “life,” would it? If every time you hit a golf ball it was a hole in one…and every time you took a test you automatically got a 100…and if every time someone got sick God healed them… well, it wouldn’t be human life. We have joy, because we also know sadness. We feel good about success because our efforts kept us from failing. We are happy when we receive Christmas and Birthday gifts, because they are special, and only come twice a year.
If you got everything you ever wanted, you would be bored… or worse. Just look at all the rock stars, movie stars, and rich people that end up addicted to drugs or alcohol… or even kill themselves. Why does this happen? It seems crazy, because they have everything! Well, the truth is that that’s usually the problem. Suddenly they do have everything, and they realize that having everything isn’t enough to make them happy.
Bad things happen to good people. You’ll see it time and time again. And like the Hat Creek men did, the most you can do is try to help… maybe even risking your life if the occasion warrants it. But if that fails, you simply need to say your prayers, and ride away. Spending your life looking back at sad and unfair situations is no way to live.
The San Antonio Bartender – There was a significant lesson learned in that bar in San Antonio, when Gus McCray put an ass whippin’ on the surly bartender.
Simply stated, the life lesson we learned is never be rude to someone you don’t know. In the case of the bartender, he made the mistake of sassing a person he thought was “just an old man,” but who turned out to be a very tough former Texas Ranger. I have a friend who thought he was tough, and pushed around a much smaller guy, only to find out via a kick in the face that the little guy had a black belt in karate. Be aware, my Nephews… that other guy might be a cop, a badass, or a stone-cold killer. He might be a guy who just lost his job, or broke up with his girlfriend, or had a really, really bad day. You don’t need to back down from a fight when someone challenges you, but avoid starting trouble at all costs.
Also, remember what Captain Call said to Gus as they rode away: “You’re lucky they didn’t put you in jail.” The police don’t like it when people fight, and they’ll often times throw the winner in jail, even if the winner didn’t start it. And jail? That’s bad. Trust me.
Gus and Claire- While in San Antonio, Gus speaks at length about his love for Claire, and how letting her go was the greatest mistake he ever made. He seems very genuine in his pain, and we can’t help but wish he’d married her when he had the chance.
But the issue isn’t so simple. And it won’t be simple when you encounter it for yourself.
You see, Gus is thinking about “what might have been.” And in his mind, he has built up how wonderful life with Claire would have been. He’s not thinking about any hard times he and Claire may have had… he’s not thinking about all the adventures with Captain Call he would have missed out on… he’s not thinking about all the fun times he’s had since he lost Claire. He’s thinking only about “the sunny slopes of long ago,” where we only remember the good parts… and he’s projecting those forward, and thinking the “what might have been” would have been nothing but wonderful. This not the case… but we as humans torture ourselves with this all the time.
Beginning at age 12 or 13, we begin making decisions from which there is no return. We consider the options available, and we head down a chosen path… from which there is often no going back. When you are very young, you make decisions like, “Am I going to be a complete dumbass and try drugs or cigarettes?”
As a teenager you decide what college to go to. In your very early twenties you decide what to study in college. In your mid-twenties to thirties you encounter even bigger decisions…decisions about work, marriage, and having children. And for every one of these decisions you make, there will be dozens of options you didn’t choose.
Consider this: Right now, in some town in the US, there is an accountant who is miserable. Every day he gets up, and thinks, “I should have been an actor. I should have taken a chance, and gone to New York… I could’ve made it, and right now I’d be a star.” There is also, however, a guy in New York trying to make it as an actor who drives cabs at night to pay the bills, and he’s miserable too. Every day he thinks, “I can’t believe I majored in theatre in college…I could have been an accountant, and had a regular life and a regular paycheck, and life would be awesome.”
Who’s right? Who made the wise choice? It’s impossible to know. In the end, the only way to make the right choice is to make a choice, then focus entirely on the good things in your life. Spending your time asking yourself, “What if? What if?” does you no good. If you choose to, you can keep your options open in the manner I discussed earlier, but if you decide not to, then look to the future of the path you’ve chosen with optimism and enthusiasm. No one likes a man who lives his life with one eye on the rear view mirror… in fact, that kind of man rarely likes himself.
Call and Maggie- Gus makes no bones about harassing Call for failing to show his love for Maggie. Call replies that Maggie was just a “whore,” and there was no reason for him to be kind to her. (Let me point out here that prostitution is a terrible thing, painful and destructive for both the woman and the man. However, in the late 1800s, the only un-married women who lived out west were prostitutes, so it was common for men to be involved with them.)
There is, however, an important lesson we can learn from this scene.
Captain Call is, in reality, remorseful for his meanness to Maggie. He knows she loved him, and he failed to even be kind to her…and he must live with that fact for the rest of his life. Well, my Nephews, you too will be haunted by the memories of the times you were mean to someone. You will one day be my age, and you will still look back at the way you behaved in 6th grade, and you will say to yourself, “I can’t believe I did that…I wish I could go back and be nicer to that person.” There are very few times in my entire life, age 10 to 41, where I don’t look back with regret at having been mean to someone.
So what’s the answer? Make kindness to others a huge part of your life. Try to be the kind of person in all situations that causes others to say, “Wow…that’s one high-quality dude.” I’m not talking about the situations where you must fight for what’s right… I’m not saying you need to be kind to someone who’s trying to bully you or a friend… I’m talking about seizing the opportunity to be kind when the opportunity arises. You will never regret having done so.
PoCampo, the New Cook – When Gus and Call hire PoCampo to join the Hat Creek Cattle Company as their new cook, they are shocked to hear he does not ride horses. He tells them, “It is not civilized.”
This is a situation where a man makes a decision based on a principle, and stands by it. (A principle is a core value you believe in…and you say, “I believe in this principle because it is morally right.”) You will develop dozens of principles in which you believe as you grow older, and knowing your parents I believe all your principles will be good ones.
Principles, however, are a funny thing.
Once you develop a principle, and truly believe in it, you must be true to it. If you fail to, then it ceases to be a principle. Here’s an example: Let’s say you believe in the principle “It is wrong to steal.” That’s an easy one, right? Well, what about when the cashier at the store gives you too much change? Is it okay to keep it? The answer, if you believe it’s wrong to steal, is “No, it’s not okay to keep the extra change.” If you do, you are stealing from the storeowner; in addition, the cashier will probably get in trouble when she adds up her money that night and finds she is short.
I believed it was okay to keep the extra change until I was about 20, at which time a philosophy professor explained to me the example stated above. I then realized I had been wrong, because keeping the change was not in line with my principle that “stealing is wrong.” I’ve never kept the extra change since then.
So what does this mean? It means that it is possible to refine your principles as you mature, and learn from life. It is my hope that when you refine your principles, it will always be for the better… but know this: There are lots of people who refine their principles for the worse. People who simply act like PoCampo, and say “I do not believe in riding animals,” when they are in front of you and others… maybe they even get involved in trying to pass laws making it illegal to ride animals… then they go home and ride animals when no one is looking.
These kind of people are a poison to the world. If you have a friend or business associate that you discover refines their principles for the worse, break away from them. Period. They will, one day, use their lies and lack of real principles to betray you as well.
The Blue Duck Showdown- As you saw, Gus had a showdown with Blue Duck by the creek, and he allowed Blue Duck to go on his way without a gunfight between them. Gus was not afraid, so why did he do this? As we saw, Gus’s decision to let Blue Duck go resulted in Laurie being stolen, and almost immediately Gus regretted his action. “I should’ve killed Blue Duck when I had the chance,” Gus said.
So what can we learn from this?
Well, the fact is that the chance to “take action and do something right” passed Gus by. Perhaps he over-thought the situation, and considered too carefully the fact that he might’ve been killed by Blue Duck, or perhaps that Laurie may have tried to run out to stop the fight and been hurt herself. Whatever the reason, he did not act… and the result was indeed very bad.
What Gus failed to have at this moment (which we see Gus almost always has) is a thing called “situational awareness.” Nicknamed simply SA, situational awareness is the ability to size up a scary or intense situation, then act appropriately and decisively. Having good SA is what enables you to act correctly when everyone around you is panicking. Good SA will save your life dozens of times…so often you won’t even notice it.
The wonderful thing about SA is that it can be developed, and practiced. Let me give you an example: Most people drive their cars like idiots…they drive down the road totally oblivious to the other cars around them, and assume everything is going to be fine. This, however, is not the case… and that’s why there are so many car crashes. One oblivious idiot runs into another. A good driver, however, has strong SA.
When they drive they are constantly taking in information, processing it, and preparing to act. They constantly check their rearview mirrors…they check their blind spots…they analyze the speed of the cars in front of them and behind them…they look way down the road for approaching trouble… and they are processing all this information to enable them to act if an idiot driver does something stupid. This is a driver with good SA, and they developed this SA through practice. They certainly didn’t have it the day they started driving!
You can apply SA to all facets of your life. You can think through- in advance- what you’d do if there was a fire in your house… what you’d do if you saw a car crash, and it looked like people needed help… what you’d do if you saw someone have a heart attack… and by thinking these things through, and envisioning your actions, you are preparing yourself to think and act when a totally unexpected situation arises.
Some professions train you to have SA- Military Officers, ER Doctors, Police and Firefighters, and more- but most people don’t choose careers that offer SA training.
If you don’t, then you’ll need to develop it on your own.
Why? Because even as a young man you’ll need it. Suppose you are walking down the street with a date, and you see three tough, suspicious looking dudes hanging around up ahead… what are you going to do? Without SA, you’ll just keep walking, and you’ll put that young lady in danger simply by being stupid. By sizing up the situation, making a quick decision, and taking action, you can keep you and your date safe.
The bottom line in this situation is that Gus’s SA, which is normally excellent, failed him. His thoughts should have been, “ I recognize that man. It’s Blue Duck. He’s a killer, wanted dead or alive. If I don’t act, I’ll endanger Laurie and my friends. I must act!”
And he should’ve drawn his pistol and started the fight.
Chances are almost zero you’ll ever be in a situation that requires that specific kind of SA, but- trust me- developing your SA is one of the smartest things you’ll ever do.
Laurie’s Capture- Jake Spoon left Laurie behind in their camp while he went to gamble. As a result, Blue Duck captured Laurie, and sold her to a group of vicious outlaws. This would not have happened if Jake had been a man, and lived up to the responsibilities he’d undertaken.
Responsibility can be a confusing thing, because as a young man you probably think responsibility is limited to things you agree to. Someone asks you to do something… you agree to do it… and it then becomes your responsibility. If you don’t discuss it, and agree to do it, then it’s not really your responsibility.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
There are many, many responsibilities you assume, without there being any discussion whatsoever. The most obvious of these for a young man is driving with other people in your car. Most young men think, “Hey, they got in the car…it was their choice to get in… I’m not responsible.” And when someone in the car encourages the driver to drive fast, or burn out, or run a stop sign, the driver simply obliges them. Why not? It’s fun, and everyone thinks the driver is cool for taking risks.
Listen up, Men… that ain’t the case. As soon as someone gets in your car, you have an immediate responsibility to them and their parents to drive safely. Period. Even if they are cheering you on to be stupid, you have a responsibility because your actions affect their lives… and the lives of everyone in their family.
So what do you do? You say, “Listen up…right now I have a responsibility to keep you alive and out of the hospital while you’re in my car. If you want to ride with a stupid driver, find a stupid driver to give you a ride.”
As I said earlier, you have lots of responsibilities you don’t necessarily agree to… you are responsible for the safety of any girl you take out on a date… you have a responsibility to stand up for people weaker than you… you have a responsibility to tell people who ask you to try drugs, “Drugs are for wimps, geeks and losers. I’m none of those. Are you?” You have a responsibility to use your God-given gifts to help other people.
Jake Spoon…well, he failed in his responsibility to protect a woman he was dating. He didn’t think it through, and probably said to himself, “Heck, she’ll be fine. I won’t be gone long. What could happen? I want to go play cards, and don’t I get to do what I want to do?”
As a result of his failure to live up to a responsibility, a woman was hurt very badly.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Blue Duck Shoots the “Chigger” - As you no doubt recall, Blue Duck shot a young Indian who did not want to gamble, for no other reason than the fact they disagreed. Upon seeing this, one of the men commented, “My God, life is cheap up here on the Canadian (River)”
Life is always cheap among men like these- they are murderous scum, so killing comes easy to them. Life means nothing, so why not kill someone who disagrees with you?
I’m quite certain you will never hang around with men who are killers; chances are you will never even know a murderer in your entire life. But the thing I want you to understand that is that there is no honor among men who are dishonest.
Let’s say you have a friend you know lies to people…do you think he won’t lie to you, just because you are friends? He will. He’ll lie to you whenever it suits him, and he’ll use the fact you trust him to his benefit.
Or, let’s say you have a friend who sells a little pot from time to time… he seems like a nice guy otherwise, so why shouldn’t you hang around with him- especially if you aren’t selling pot yourself? Because, my Nephews, he is a criminal, and he has no respect for the law or the people he’s hurting. And if the cops catch him, and he can avoid going to jail by saying the drugs were yours, he will. He won’t think twice about it! Why? Because he’s a criminal to start with! You might think you two are friends, but he has no friends other himself and the money he makes.
When you get older, you will find that you end up making friends in the field in which you work… maybe guys who work at the same company as you, or guys who work in the same general field… you know, they buy the services or equipment your company sells, or maybe you sell stuff to them and their company.
You will want to pay very close attention to what these friends do, and what they tell you about themselves. If you hear them talking about how they “take things” from the office, then you can bet they will “take things” from you. If you hear them tell you about how they cheat on their wives or girlfriends, then you can be sure they will cheat you if they can. If they stab other people in the back to work their way up in the company, then you can bet they will stab you in the back.
My point here is pretty simple: Blue Duck was a killer, so he thought nothing of killing that unarmed man. If you have a friend who is a liar, he will think nothing of lying to you if it will benefit himself.
Let me tell you a little fable that will help you understand: There was a fox getting ready to swim across a river, when a scorpion crawled alongside him and asked for a ride across.
The fox said, “No way! You are a scorpion, and you might sting me!”
The scorpion said, “Why would I do that? If I stung you, you’d die, and sink…and because I’d be riding on your back, I’d drown when you went under the water.”
The fox thought about it, and said, “Well, that’s true. Hop on, and I’ll give you a ride across.”
When they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the fox. The poison went to work immediately, and the fox couldn’t swim anymore. As the two of them started to sink under the water, the fox cried, “Why did you do it?!! Now we are both going to die!”
And the last thing the scorpion said before the water washed over him was, “I couldn’t help it…I’m a scorpion, and it is in my nature.”
Men who are dishonest are the same way- whether they are liars, or drug dealers, or cheaters, or just generally dishonest- these things are in their nature. And just like the scorpion, when the time comes and you give them a ride, they will sting you, too.
Gus Rescues Laurie- With July Johnson by his side, Gus rode into the camp full of armed men, and killed them all. July didn’t even fire a shot.
How was he able to do this?
One word: Experience.
There is no substitute in life for experience. Everything is hard before it is easy, because you have to gain experience for it to become easy. This applies to sports, schoolwork, your profession… it applies to everything. In order to do something well, you must take the time to learn the fundamentals, then you must practice them. Practice is often boring, but it’s the only way you’ll ever be really good at something!
I have found a trick to shortening the length of time between being a beginner and being able to do something successfully. It took me most of my life to learn this trick- because I never wanted to admit I was a beginner at anything- but I finally figured it out. The trick? Well, the trick is based on the fact that everyone likes to be asked for advice… and if you ask someone for advice, they will almost always help you! So, when I want to try something new, I go to someone who’s already good at it, and say, “Hey, you look like you’re good at this… and I don’t know a thing about it. What should I know before I get started? What lessons can you teach me that would help a beginner?”
Unless the person you ask is a total loser, they will bend over backwards to help you. Why? Because you took the time to recognize and compliment their talents, and now they will want to pay you back for your kind words.
Using this trick is difficult for many men, because men want to be good at everything right away. Men hate the idea that someone else has a skill they don’t. But I’m here to tell you… if you can get past that, not only will you learn faster from people who can teach you, you’ll actually have fun in the beginner stage. Why? Because you’ve admitted you are a beginner, so you’re expected to look goofy while you learn. Without the pressure to look cool, you might actually have fun during the learning process!
There’s also a second lesson from this scene, although it’s a little more subtle. Why was Gus able to ride into the camp and surprise them in the first place?
The answer is as old as the military itself… and it goes along with one of the first “sayings” I learned as a Marine. The saying? The road to hell is paved with the corpses of 2nd Lieutenants who failed to post security.
The idea is that you’re never totally safe. If you are a military unit, you cannot allow everyone to snuggle up in their sleeping bags and sleep all night- you have to have men on post away from camp, listen and observing! If someone approaches, you have a man ready to sound the alarm, and open fire. If those Indians had posted security, their sentry would have seen Gus coming, and could have shot first. This would have woken the others, and they could have fought back.
It is my advice you “post security” throughout your life, in everything you do. You don’t need to be paranoid, but you need to make security part of you Situational Awareness. You need a gun in your home, and you need to be trained to use it. During business deals, you need to consider, “What if the other guy is lying to me?” When you are driving you need to think, “What am I going to do if that guy over there does something stupid?”
Like I said, there’s no need to go through life thinking other people are out to get you… but it’s always smart to “post security.” It’s better to have security and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
The Murder of July’s Friends- Upon returning from the shootout with the Indians, July finds his step-son Joe, his best friend Roscoe, and the girl Janie dead. He realizes it was his fault, because he failed to listen to Gus, who told him to stay behind.
For a man, this is a very difficult scene to watch, because July was in a “No Win” situation. Gus told him to stay behind, and he should have. However, there was only a chance that his friends would be in danger, but he knew for a fact that Gus would be in danger… and he didn’t want to let Gus down. In addition, he didn’t know about all of Gus’s experience- didn’t know that Gus would be fine without his help- and for all July knew, Gus was just saying he didn’t need help.
You will find yourself in situations like this throughout your life- situations where you are presented with limited amounts of uncertain information- and you will be asked to make decisions. What do you do? You analyze the available information, and you act. You act like a man, and do the thing you feel is most right.
There will be times, however, when you return from the path you chose, only to find you made the wrong decision. You did what you thought was right, only to find it was wrong. It is very painful, this kind of hard lesson… especially when it’s a situation like July’s. He did do the right thing, going with Gus. But it turned out very, very badly.
What can you do about it, after the fact?
Nothing, except heed Gus’s advice to July when he said, “Yesterday’s gone. You can’t get it back.”
Yesterday is gone. And when you can learn from your mistakes, you do. But sometimes you can’t, because you did the right thing to begin with. In that case, you can only bury the dead, and ride on. Looking back and torturing yourself over what might have been is of no value to anyone.
The Slippery Slope of Jake Spoon- While playing cards with three very bad brothers, Jake Spoon makes a mistake that men often make: He compromises his standards in order to look cool, and fit in with the crowd. The brothers ask him if he has a problem with robbing banks, and instead of saying, “I believe in obeying the law,” he says what he thinks they want to hear.
Compromising your standards is sometimes called a “slippery slope,” because it’s like stepping out onto an ice-covered hillside. You slip just a little at first… then as you attempt to regain your footing you slip more. As you struggle against that slip, you slide even more. And the more you try to regain your balance, the more you slide down. Before long, you’re flat on your butt sliding full-speed down the slope, wondering how you went from just stepping onto the slope to sliding out of control.
So how did you get there, sliding full-speed down the hill? It’s easy… you took the first step onto the slippery slope, and from there you were no longer in control.
Jake’s first step onto the slippery slope was to tell these men that he didn’t object to robbing banks. Once he’d done that, the men seemed to like him…and they asked if he wanted to ride with them to get away from the saloon and the soon-to-arrive lawmen. And look what happened… Jake was already out on the slope, so why not slide down the slope a little further? And in less than five minutes, Jake Spoon went from being a respected former Texas Ranger to riding with outlaws.
And trust me, you will see Jake pay an awful price for taking that first step out onto the slippery slope.
Laurie and Gus- After rescuing Laurie from the gang, Gus and Laurie end up in the Adobe Walls, where Gus asks her to play cards to keep her mind off the trauma she’s been through. When Laurie begins to cry again, Gus tells her, “Go ahead and cry it out to old Gus… you got to much life ahead of you to let this ruin you.”
Believe it or not, there are going to be things in your life that will be so bad, you’ll think at the time you’ll never get over them. And sadly, some people let the past rule their lives… every minute of every day. As an older, wiser man, Gus knows this, and he’s trying to get Laurie to put the past behind her.
These days, we have therapy and medication and syndromes and diseases and names for everything, and the truth be known there’s nothing wrong with using these tools to help you get past something traumatic. But the issue is that it’s important to get over things from your past that haunt you. If you don’t, it might ruin all the great days ahead.
Remember what Gus said to July: The past is gone, and you can’t get it back.
I should also point out one of the few things I’ve learned about women, which Gus obviously knows: A woman in pain usually just wants you to listen to her talk… and that’s what Gus does. He doesn’t tell her how he’s going to fix the situation, and kill Blue Duck for her… he just listens. The best book ever written on this topic is entitled Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I’m not much into self-help books, but read that one. You’ll learn more about women than you’d learn in five lifetimes.
Now, it’s time to take a break from all this reading. When you are ready, watch Part Three of the movie. We’ll pick up after that.
After Watching Part Three
Gus’s Comment to Call - There is a very brief scene at the beginning of Part Three when Call asks Gus, “ What are you gonna do if we get to Nebraska, and you find Claire happily married…and she don’t even remember you?”
Gus replies, “Well, Woodrow, I believe that would break my heart.”
The scene is interesting, because it tells us a great deal about the friendship between these two men… and it’s my hope that you too will have at least one life-long best friendship like these two men have. You see, Call felt comfortable teasing Gus about a very sensitive subject… but Gus felt comfortable being honest with Call about the pain it would cause him. These are two men who are bonded through decades of experience- good and bad, up and down. They’ve suffered together, and nothing bonds male friendships like shared suffering.
The average American man doesn’t have a best friend like Gus or Call- someone they can count on through thick and thin. Most men focus on their careers, and friendships come in a distant third behind family and career. Many men, in fact, use friendships as a convenient way to get what they want... perhaps as a way to get ahead in their career, or into a country club, or elected to some position of power. This situation is made worse by how frequently people move these days, usually because of a job, and men don’t bother to invest the time and energy to keep up with old friends.
Let me tell you this: I am the luckiest man in the world when it comes to friends. I have both a handful of very close friends I grew up with in Charleston, and several very close friends I made while in the Marines… and every one of those guys would risk their lives to help me if they needed to. And I’d do the same for them.
But…I could have lost all those friendships over the last twenty years if I hadn’t invested the time and effort to reach out to them and make sure they knew I still valued their friendship. Yes, it sounds strange to a young man, because you have not yet encountered the separations that come with “years and miles,” but trust me you will…starting with college. And I’m telling you now that while you’ll make new friends at college, you will want to keep in touch with your high school and hometown friends.
Don’t let your current situation distract you from taking the time to write, call, and road-trip to see those friends of your younger years… because there will come a time (believe it or not) when you are my age, and those friendships will be way more important to you than money, girls, or prestige.
There is a movie you should watch about friendship entitled Brian’s Song, starring Billy Dee Williams, and James Caan. It is a true story about two pro football players- Gale Sayers, and Brian Piccalo- based on a book by Gale Sayers, entitled I am Third. The book title comes from Gale Sayers description of his priorities in life, in which he says, “God is first, my family and friends are second, and I am third.”
If I to try to give you a one sentence description of the perfect set of life priorities, that would be it.
Jake’s Slide Continues- As you recall, I discussed the slippery slope of Jake Spoon earlier. And if the description of a “slippery slope” didn’t make sense to you then, it should now.
Slip one… Jake tries to be cool by saying he doesn’t have a problem with robbing banks. Slip two… Jake accepts the outlaws’ invitation to ride with them.
And with two simple, small slips, Jake finds himself in a situation involving murder and horse stealing.
Jake could have stopped his slide down the slope. As you may recall, he did have an opportunity to draw his gun and take a stand against the outlaws. In fact, when they were focusing on shooting those innocent cowboys, Jake could have easily killed two or three of the brothers. Yes, Frog Lip might have then shot him, but maybe not… Jake was an experienced Texas Ranger, and he might’ve come out on top. But, even if he was killed, at least he would have died doing the right thing.
But, my Nephews, that’s the dangerous thing about a slippery slope… Jake was already sliding, and he thought, “Well, I’ll just slip down the slope a little further…then I’ll stop. Then I’ll get out of here. Then I’ll go back to being the real me.”
Unfortunately, it rarely works like that. Once you compromise your standards and your beliefs, it’s hard to get back where you started.
Deet’s Return’s With the Wounded Man- It took only a few seconds for Captain Call to analyze the situation when Deet’s rode up with the mortally wounded cowboy he’d found. Call knew right away that it was a situation involving horse thieves.
Now, think about what was going on in the minds of Captain Call and Captain Gus when the issue of these horse thieves came up. They had a herd of cattle and horses, a largely inexperienced crew of cowboys, and a traumatized woman for which they were responsible. They were trying to make it to Montana before winter. And to top it off, they didn’t even know this fatally wounded man. There were lots of reasons to not take action.
But they did not hesitate. They realized a crime had been committed, and they took action immediately.
This too will happen to you in your life, probably more than once. You will see someone weak being bullied. You will see a car accident occur when you are in a hurry to get someplace. You will see a friend about to do something stupid.
What you decide to do, and how quickly you decide to do it- every time you encounter one of these situations- will stay with you the rest of your life. It is better to decide in advance whether you are a man who takes action to help, or a man who stays out of the way so as to avoid “getting involved.” If you decide to be a “don’t get involved” type man, life is much easier… think of how much easier it would have been for Gus and Call to just ride on!
The worst thing you can do to yourself, I believe, is to decide to be a man of action… then fail to act when the time comes. Who knows… maybe you don’t act because you’re scared. Or because you’re in a hurry. Or because it seems like it’s not your business. All of these are good reasons not to act, but afterwards you will be disappointed in yourself. And that’s the worst kind of disappointment there is.
The Sodbusters- At the end of Jake’s slide down the slope comes the murder of the sodbusters (which is a nickname for farmers, because they bust apart the sod in order to plant their seeds.) In this scene we learn a few things; these are my interpretations of the lessons unfolding on the screen, and are more symbolic than real.
First, we see what happens when they discover the sodbusters. The head of the gang indicates immediately he hates sodbusters, and this seems very strange to us… why would anyone hate farmers? His hate just doesn’t make any sense, especially since he hasn’t even spoken to these men.
Well, my Nephews, his hatred of farmers makes the same amount of sense as racism. As you grow, you will encounter men who hate anyone who’s different. Racists come in every color and nationality, and you’ll find people who hate other people for the strangest reasons. Whites who hate blacks, and blacks who hate whites… Italians who hate Irish, and Irish who hate Italians… Japanese who hate Koreans, and Koreans who hate Japanese… sadly, the list is almost endless.
There are millions of people right here in our country who hate other people just because they look different, or speak a different language, or practice a different religion. It’s crazy! Whenever I think about racism, and- for example- about men who think whites are better than blacks, I am reminded of my black friend Eugene Bose. Eugene was in my Marine Corps Basic Officers Course, which lasted six miserable months in Quantico, Virginia. And at the end of six months, he graduated Number One in the class. He was the smartest, the toughest, the best shot, the best navigator, the best leader… he was the best at everything! Any white man who thinks he is better than a black man just because he’s white should meet Eugene... that would change his opinion, I promise. I don’t want to talk too long about racism, because it is an extremely complex subject, but do understand this: Nothing good comes from racism, and it’s your job as a man to fight against racism wherever you encounter it, and that includes any racist thoughts you find inside yourself!
As you know, the gang murders the farmers, and after going through their cabin the leader tells Jake to help drag the bodies over so they can hang them.
Jake replies, “No… I ain’t no part of this.”
To which the gang leader says, “The hell you ain’t!”
And you know what? The gang leader is right.
Jake may not have shot the farmers… he may not have liked the idea of shooting the farmers… in fact, he may have wished more than anything it didn’t happen. But none of that matters, because he was there, and he did nothing to stop it. In legal terms, this is called “The hand of one is the hand of all.” What that means is that if three guys commit a robbery, and one guy shoots the store clerk, the hand that shot the clerk belongs to everyone. It’s just a technicality that one guy did the actual shooting, because they were all there and they all had a part in it.
I understand that you’ll never be involved in a robbery, and you’ll never be around when one person murders another, but what about this: What about when a friend wants to shoplift something? What about when a friend opens up a bag of pot, or some other drug? What about when a friend wants to cheat on a test?
What do you do then?
You don’t need to snitch on every friend who wants to do something wrong, but what you do need to do is speak up to them. All you need to say is, “Hey, man, that isn’t cool with me, and I want nothing to do with it. If you’re gonna do that, I’m outta here.” And then leave, before their hand becomes your hand.
The idea that “the hand of one is the hand of all” may be difficult for you to understand now, but one day it will make sense. In the meantime, you’ve just got to believe me… and know that in incidences that involve even minor illegal activity, that grumpy old judge up on the bench doesn’t care if you understand or agree with the concept. It’s the law, and you will answer to it if you run with the wrong people.
The End of Jake- In the end, Jake hung from the end of a rope. Call and Gus are men of justice and moral values, and they cannot look the other way. If it had been something minor, then they would have let Jake off, no doubt… he was their friend, and friends need to understand that friends make mistakes.
But in Jake’s case, they couldn’t let it slide. He was a thief and murderer by association, and he had to swing. Gus said it best when he said, “You know the rules, Jake. You ride with an outlaw, you die with an outlaw.”
What you need to ask yourself -and brand onto your brain in advance- is the answers to the questions, “What are my morals and standards? What am I willing to be a part of? Where do I draw the line in terms of what I consider acceptable behavior?”
If you know deep inside yourself where you draw the line… and you make sure your friends know in advance where you draw the line… and you take action whenever and wherever someone crosses that line (even if it’s just by leaving) then you will never end up alongside Jake Spoon, swinging form the end of a rope.
Jake’s Last Act- With the rope around his neck and his hanging just seconds away, Jake did his friend Gus a final favor: He spurred his horse himself. He didn’t want his friend Gus to have to live with that memory, and in spurring his own horse, Jake hung himself… and spared Gus the pain of doing it.
Jake’s final act is called “an act of redemption.” Although you might not understand it now, as you’re young and fairly innocent, redemption is a very popular theme in many books and movies, because we adults make so many bad, bad mistakes in our lives. You will be amazed at how many times as an adult you will make mistakes that will cause pain to others… sometimes because you are weak, sometimes because you stupid, sometimes because you just didn’t realize. Life does that to you, and more than anything you will want redemption from these acts. You will want to somehow, someway, make up for your mistakes… you’ll want to be “redeemed” in the eyes of those you’ve done wrong to. Redemption is possible… both to people you hurt, and to God above. But neither is easy, because redemption involves admitting you were wrong, saying you’re sorry, and acting in a way that shows you are seeking forgiveness. Jake didn’t have time for any of these things, so he did the only thing he could: He spurred his own horse .And that’s certainly better than nothing.
Lessons in Love- During Lonesome Dove, we learn a great deal about love, and how messy things can be. I considered skipping this section because you won’t listen, you won’t believe me, and you’re going to make your own mistakes anyway… but in the end, I decided to address the topic. Why? For no other reason than you can look back when you are older, and say, “If only I’d listened.” I should also note I don’t know how old you’ll be when you get this book, so if you’re too young then just skip over this as the “mushy part.”
So… let’s take a look at the mess love causes in this film:
July loves Ellie, but Ellie loves Dee Boot.
Dish loves Laurie, but Laurie loves Gus.
Laurie loves Gus, but Gus loves Claire.
Maggie (Newt’s mom) loved Captain Call, but Call was too stubborn to admit he loved her.
Laurie doesn’t love Jake, and Jake doesn’t love Laurie, but they end up as couple because they think they can use each other.
Ellie and Dee Boot supposedly love each other, but not enough to make it through the tough times… when they ran out of money, Ellie left and married July.
July fights for the woman he loves by tracking her across the country, but when he gets there she couldn’t care less… she doesn’t even care about their baby. Dish does the same thing, riding back from Montana to be with Laurie, but Laurie is unmoved… she wants Gus, or no one.
The Buffalo hunter, Sway, loves Ellie, and Ellie doesn’t love him, but she uses him to get what she wants.
Gus tells Claire he’s loved her all along, and we get the impression she loved Gus… but she married Bob… and all these years later she’s given up on the idea of love.
Gus told Laurie that he wanted to marry Claire, but after they saw each other, Gus tells Laurie he doesn’t really want to get married after all.
So, my Nephews, you ask: Is love really this complicated? Does love really screw up this many people’s loves? Isn’t there a way love can be simpler?
Yes, yes, and no.
You will be amazed, even in high school, at how many people screw up their lives because they love someone. I wish I could explain some sort of hard and fast rules that would help you, but there aren’t any. All I can do is offer you these suggestions, which you will ignore anyway:
If you love a girl and she doesn’t love you back, break away- no matter how bad it hurts. Even if you chase the girl and she eventually says she loves you, it’s a different kind of love than you feel.
If a girl loves you and you don’t love her back, be kind and sensitive when you tell her; tell her she is awesome (even if she isn’t), but then tell her you don’t love her the way she loves you. Do not lead her on into thinking there’s a possibility you might love her someday. Remember that Gus was totally honest with Laurie when she asked him if he wanted to marry Claire. Gus could’ve told Laurie “No” because that’s what Laurie wanted to hear, but he was honest. That’s the smart thing to do, Lads.
If you love a girl and she loves you, don’t ever cheat no matter what. It will ruin things forever, and there’s no going back.
If you love a girl, and she cheats on you, break it off immediately and forever. A cheat is a cheat, and she will never change.
Go slow when you are interested in girl… it’s easy to fall in love, but hard to stop loving someone once you start. This does not apply to every girl you ask on a date, because going out with someone “just for fun” is fine. The problem, however, is that after dating for a while, one or the other tends to begin having feelings for the other. See the above advice for how to handle that.
Always be a gentleman… girls talk, and if you misbehave the word will get around.
And finally, the most important advice you will ever receive: Do not get married until you are at least thirty, no matter how much you love someone. Why? Because a man under 30 is too young to know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Right now you simply cannot understand how much you are going to change between the ages of 20 and 30… but you will. And the girl you love when you are 25 is going to change a lot during those years too. And if you get married at 25, you might wake up at 30 with a woman who wants totally different things from you.
A classic example of this is a couple who is all goo-goo in love at 25, and all they want is to get married and open some small business together. (So they can spend every minute together). Five years later, the girl says, “This sucks… you need to get a job that makes some real money so we can afford to have kids.” The guy says, “This sucks… I want to drive cattle to Montana.” And now you have two people with very little in common and they are married.
Guys, I got married too young, and got divorced young. After that, I was really, really cautious, and eventually I found Aunt Heidi. Learn from my mistakes, go slow, wait until you’re thirty… and find your own perfect woman to marry the first time.
July’s Anguish- After being told by Claire that his wife had their baby and left, July is asked by her, “What do you want to do?”
In terrible pain, July says, “It’s been so long since I’ve done something right, I can’t even remember.”
You too will experience times in your life when you feel this way. Something will go wrong because you made a wrong decision, and you’ll make another bad decision trying to correct it. That will lead to the next mistake, and you’ll feel like you are spiraling downward out of control. When that happens, I want you to do these two things:
First, this rule of life: If you find yourself digging yourself into a hole, stop digging. This is pretty straightforward: It means you should consciously make the decision to stop your current behavior or actions… catch your breath… ask close friends or family for advice… listen to their advice… and get out of the hole you’ve dug, and carefully begin filling it back in. You’ll be amazed how deep you can dig yourself into a hole if you forget this advice.
Second, remember these words: This too shall pass. Time heals all wounds and situations, but we usually can’t believe this when we are in pain. I can’t tell you how many times when I was at Mountain Warfare School in Bridgeport California I said those words to myself… I was in terrible physical pain from the cold and the training, so I reminded myself, “I’m in pain now, but time will pass- it cannot stop- and with time’s passing so too will my life here in these mountains.” I used the same line when my heart was broken, and it felt like I had a dozen arrows in my chest… with a new arrow hitting me every time I thought about the situation. I said to myself, “This too shall pass.” I had a hard time believing it would, but I reminded myself of the truth often: This too shall pass.
And you know what? It did. It always does.
As for July, and his anguish? As you may recall, he gave up on Ellie, and went to work for Claire. In short, he quit digging. It’s a good piece of advice, Nephews.
Dish’s Horse- When in town, a very obnoxious Army Officer informed Dish he wanted his horse. Vastly outnumbered, Dish stated, “He ain’t for sale,” and stood his ground.
You will hear, throughout most of your life, that “everything’s for sale.” What this means is that “if someone offers you enough money, you’ll sell or do anything.”
Sadly, for most men, this is true. Not only will they sell their horse, they’ll sell their honor, their reputation… even the ones they love. Money is their God, and they will “sell out” in order to get control of more money.
The truth is that “selling out” is not usually a clear-cut situation. No one comes up to them and says, “I’ll offer you a million dollars if you will go on television and announce to the city that you beat up and innocent old lady.” It’s usually something very sly, and very seductive: A friend comes up and says, “I’ve figured out a way to take some unnoticed money from the company we work for, but I need a partner.” Or a business associate says, “Hey, if you’ll buy the product I sell for your company, I’ll kickback to you some of the cash I make in my commission.” Or at a time when money is really short, someone will say, “Hey, I know some guys who sell cocaine… and if you’ll drive a package of it to New York and drop it off, they’ll pay you $10,000.”
So you need to decide now, as a young man, do I have a price? Is my honesty and name for sale? When times are tough, or am I willing to exchange my morals for money? When some tough looking Army Officer says he wants to buy my horse, will I say, “He’s not for sale?” Only you can decide.
Let me close this section with a fable: A very rich man was out in a bar, and met a beautiful young lady. They talked for a while, and he said, “Will you go to bed with me for a million dollars?”
The young lady replied, “A million bucks? Okay.”
The man then replied, “How about one hundred dollars?”
The woman was insulted, and said, “A hundred dollars? No way! What… do you think- I’m some kind of a prostitute?”
To which the man said, “Well, yes. We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over the price.
You, and your horse, are either for sale…or they aren’t. Period.
Newt’s Help- When Dish was knocked down and out of the way by the Army Scout, Newt stepped in and grabbed Dish’s horse. He heard Dish say the horse wasn’t for sale, and he wasn’t going to let the Army Scout take the horse away without a fight.
For his trouble, the Scout clobbered him.
But by stepping in to help Dish, Newt won…even though he got clobbered. You see, we men are taught from a very early age that life is all about winning… so no one wants to step into a fight they don’t think they can win.
But the reality is that winning the fight isn’t the important thing… the willingness to step into the fight is the important thing. I say this because you are going to discover so many things in your life that you believe in, and the question will be, “Are you willing to fight for them, even if you lose?”
If a friend is being bullied, are you willing to step into the fight, even if you lose? If a big company is doing something wrong, like using “sweat shop” labor, are you willing to step into the fight? If a politician is corrupt, are you willing to fight to get someone else elected? If you have a great invention or idea, are you willing to fight to turn it into a business? I’m not saying these things are things you should fight over… what’s important to you is important to you, and only you can decide. The point I’m making is this: If something’s worth fighting for, then it’s worth fighting for… even if you get you ass kicked.
Let me end this section with a paragraph from a speech given by America’s greatest president, Teddy Roosevelt. Written in 1910, it should be a fine example to you that “new and modern thinking” isn’t always better than the wisdom from decades ago. This paragraph has become known simply as The Man in the Arena:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Captain Call’s Response- When Captain Call saw Newt being beaten, his response was quick and certain… and those Army men saw what happens to someone who messes with Captain Woodrow F. Call’s friends and family. When you see something happening to your friends or family, I hope your reaction will be the same. Worry about the consequences after you’ve rendered aid… worry about whether you’ll win the fight after you’ve stepped in. Those men were Army, and they could’ve shot Captain Call dead… but he didn’t let that stop him from rescuing a son in need.
My advice to you isn’t about getting in a fistfight every time someone looks at your friends or family wrong… it’s about always being ready and willing to lend a hand when family or friends are in trouble- any kind of trouble.
I also hope you’ll take note of Captain Call’s actions after the fight. He didn’t dance around and brag, and he didn’t try to pick a fight with the next guy. He got on his horse, apologized to the ladies present, and left. He did what he needed to do, then left. If you do likewise anytime you win an undertaking, people will admire you for it.
The Last of the Water- As you saw, there came a time when the men of the Hat Creek Cattle Company just flat ran out of water. They were probably ten times thirstier than you’ve ever been in your life… and there was enough water for one tiny sip each.
And yet, each passed up their opportunity for that sip, so that the next man could have just a little more.
What you witnessed here was selflessness in action. Being selfless is a tough thing to be, because it asks that you put others before yourself…which in reality is not a very natural thing to do. Yes, it is in the case of your wife and children- that’s pretty much hard-wired into you- but being selfless with others isn’t always natural.
Many people will tell you that being selfless is always a good thing, and I wish I could agree… but in reality it’s a case-by-case thing. If you are at all times selfless, you’ll never get anywhere. Why? Because the world is so full of selfish people, they’ll be happy to take advantage of your selflessness and generosity. Remember how Lippy greedily sucked down the last of the water? In reality, there are a million times more “Lippys” in the world than selfless people. And worse yet, most of them will act like they aren’t going to drink any water, either… but as soon as you walk away they will.
There will be times when being selfless becomes a responsibility, and you should always rise to that occasion. As the leader of a group, you will often need to be selfless to accomplish the team’s goal. You will need to let the other members of the team get all the credit… you will need to compliment them for work you actually did… you will need to meet their needs before you meet your own. Is this fun? No way… but it is one aspect of leadership, and being a leader means getting the job done above everything else.
Other times that call for selflessness include playing competitive team sports, serving in the military, and reaching out to the less fortunate as Christian men. These types of selflessness are, in fact, easier to do because you want to be selfless. And in these cases, you will feel good about putting others ahead of you. But I do want you to understand that your being selfless doesn’t mean others around you will be… or that they will respect you for your actions. I met many men during my business career who stole from me or lied to me or took advantage of me because I was trying to be considerate of their needs, and not my own.
There’s no easy lesson here, Nephews. Yes, in issues of your Christian faith and life you should always be selfless… but in secular situations, I’d tell you to analyze each situation as it comes. The bottom line is you need to decide whether the individual or group is worthy of your sacrifices. Is the issue so important that -even if you’re screwed over- you don’t care, because you did the right thing?
In the situation you saw with the Hat Creek Cattle Company, they did do the right thing. They made the right choice. They are men who count on each other, and in demonstrating a willingness to suffer together they brought the team even closer together. I hope that one day you’ll be a part of a team like this… it is an awesome and humbling experience.
Losing Deets- In the end, Josh Deets died because he was a man of compassion, and he refused to drop the blind little boy and risk hurting him. He could have… he should have… but he didn’t. Compassion for others was ingrained into his character, and a man of character just can’t stop being himself because a situation calls for it. This is one of the things that’s hard about being a man of good character… you are made to pay for it many times in your life.
A lesser man, as most men are, isn’t burdened with Deet’s goodness and morality. A lesser man would have thrown the little boy at the Indian Brave and run away, or perhaps would have even used the little boy as a shield. Had the little boy died, this lesser man would say, “Well, it was him or me… and I just did what I had to do.” Yes, I know that as a young man you probably find it hard to believe there are men who would do this, but trust me, there are… and you will unfortunately have to deal with them throughout your life.
Deet’s death and the nobility of his character, however, is not the primary thing I want you to remember from this scene. In fact, I’m guessing you knew Deet’s was an exceptional man long ago. The primary thing I want you to remember is the dialogue between Gus and Call after Deet’s died.
“It’s our fault,” Captain Call said. “We should’ve shot sooner.”
And Gus replied, “I don’t wanna start thinking, Woodrow, about all the things we should’ve done for this good man.”
My Nephews, if there was but one thing I could ask you to remember from this book, it would be Gus’s reply.
Why? Because one day, someone important to you will die… someone who showed you loyalty and friendship… or who helped you in a time of despair, or need… or who brought and laughter, and happiness into your life. And when this person dies, you will think first of the times you failed them… of the times you didn’t live up to your half of the friendship… and you will realize there’s no time left for you to make it up to them. No more chances to tell them how much you appreciate them, or how important it was to you when they helped you.
When it comes to you friends and family, live every day like it’s their last… because one day it will be. And if you’ve taken advantage of every opportunity to pay them back for the kindness they’ve shown you, you’ll never have to think about the things you should’ve done for them.
Now take a break from reading, and watch Part Four. I’ll chat with you in a little while.
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