After watching Part Four

Deet’s Tombstone- After Deet’s burial, Gus tells Newt he’s seen Captain Call bury many men, but he’s never seen him carve a sign. Gus reads the simple marker to Newt and Pea Eye, which reads:
Josh Deets
Served with me 30 years.
Fought in 21 engagements
with the Comanche and Kiowa.
Cheerful in all weathers,
never shirked a task.
Splendid behavior.

It is impossible to explain to a young man how sublime and important those words are. They are the words that all good men wish would be on their tombstone, because they speak such volumes about the life they describe. This was a man of duty and honor… a man of physical and moral courage… a man who remained upbeat and optimistic when times were tough… a man who inspired those around him… a man who undertook every job as an important job… a man who did his share of the work and more, every time… a man whose behavior in all aspects of his life measured up to the highest of standards… a man who lived his life like a man and a gentleman.

I’ve had the good fortune to know many exceptional men in my life, and given a choice these are the words they’d choose for their tombstone. But I’ve only buried one man who lived up to these high standards, and he was my father, Captain Thomas W. Alexander, United States Navy (Ret). His funeral was attended by over 500 people, and strong men wept that he was gone. It is my hope that by writing this book, I can communicate to you what’s required to earn a tombstone like Deet’s… and to remind myself how far I have to go to earn one myself.

Chasing Buffalo- On the way to scout the route to Yellowstone, Gus asks Pea Eye to join him in chasing some Buffalo. Pea Eye doesn’t seem to catch on to the concept, and doesn’t understand why Gus wants to chase a bunch of Buffalo for no apparent reason.

“Because,” Gus says, “One day there won’t be any Buffalo left to chase!”

Now, as young men, I have no doubt you’ll spend plenty of time doing things just for fun. (In fact, what I hope is that you’ll do more with your younger years than just have fun!) But, I also hope you’ll keep Gus and his game of Buffalo chasing in mind when you get older, because too often men forget that one of life’s great joys is having fun by using your imagination. For some reason, we become numbed to the beauty of the world just outside our door, and feel like we have to take a $5,000 ski vacation in order to relax and have fun… or we need to own a sports car in order to enjoy a drive… or we need a big house to enjoy where we live.

There are limitless ways to enjoy the wonders of life without a bunch money, but they require you open your eyes to see the wonders of the world around you. My best friend John Walters lived in New York while doing his medical residency, and he made this observation about life in New York versus life in the Lowcountry of South Carolina.

“In New York,” he said, “recreation revolves around buying a ticket to watch someone else do something…or to look at something someone else has created. In Charleston, recreation is about doing things yourself.”

I’m not going to go into some long, corny list of things in life that are free… I’ll leave that to the poets of the world. But I will say this: There was no charge to chase those Buffalo, and it did look like a lot of fun to me.

“Push it on through”- As you saw, Gus took a pair of arrows in his leg, one of which was embedded in such a way that Pea Eye couldn’t pull it out.

Once Gus realized Pea Eye couldn’t pull the arrow out, he instructed him to do the only other alternative: Push it on through. Yes, Gus knew it would be incredibly painful, but he knew action was necessary. The arrow had to come out in order for him to carry on the fight… so he made a very hard decision: Push it on through.

There will be many times in your life when you will encounter extremely difficult situations where you must make a decision. Not necessarily situations involving physical pain, but difficult situations nonetheless. Situations where you and you alone can make the decision, and you must either act, or accept the consequences for not acting.

Very, very rarely is inaction the better choice. Inaction is almost always the easier choice, but it is rarely the better choice. In the Marines, we had a hard and fast rule for Lieutenants under pressure: The wrong decision is better than no decision. Why? Because a decision gives hope… a decision gives direction… a decision provides optimism for the future, because the chosen action may just improve the situation.

If the decision is wrong, you’ll find out soon enough-- in which case a new opportunity for decision making will be available. But indecision… a lack of action… well, let’s ask this: Would Gus have been better off curling up into a ball and whining about the arrow and wishing the Indians would go away?

Grace Under Pressure- Once Gus and Pea Eye made it to the cave opening, Gus took it upon himself to speak optimistically about the situation. He was in horrible physical pain, and his experience as an Indian fighter no doubt made him keenly aware they were in a very bad situation, but he didn’t let on to Pea Eye. He “sucked it up,” and didn’t allow his pain or understanding of the predicament to affect Pea Eye.

This is a concept called “grace under pressure” a term coined by American writer Ernest Hemingway. And rest assured there will be many, many times in your life when you are going to be under terrible pressure for one reason or another. So the question you must ask yourself- and ultimately confront- is “How will I act when I’m under that pressure?”

Fortunately, most of the time you are under pressure you’ll have the opportunity to talk with friends and family, and seek their advice. Or you’ll have the opportunity to at least vent to someone who understands you. But this won’t be the case every time. You’ll run into situations like Gus where it’s up to you to demonstrate “grace under pressure” for the good of those around you… even though doing so makes things harder on you.

Again, let’s look at Gus and his situation: He was tired, scared, and in terrible pain… but he joked with Pea Eye and talked about how they were going ultimately survive. Of course, it would have made Gus feel better to whine, “Pea Eye, I’m hurting… I’m scared… you’ve got to protect me!” But would that have been in the best interest of the two of them?!!

Of course not. Gus demonstrated “grace under pressure.” In the end, it didn’t save them both… but I assure you it made Gus feel better about himself when he lay in that bed dieing. He did his best, and he acted like a man. In the end, that’s all we can ask of ourselves.

Tell Woodrow to come a’ runnin’- These simple words were Gus’ last words to Pea Eye as Pea Eye escaped via the swollen stream. “Tell Woodrow,” he said, “ to come a’ runnin.”

I’ve included this quote here because it is my hope that you will have at least one friend in your life to whom this succinct message can be sent. I am an extremely lucky man, because I have several friends to whom I can make this request… but many men live their entire lives without a friendship like this. Gus knows that when Woodrow hears those words, he’ll drop everything and sprint to provide help. He will not hesitate to worry about the herd… he will not hesitate while he considers his own safety… he will not pause to even pack food. His friend Gus is in trouble, and he’s gone. Understand, guys, that I’m not talking about a friend who will “check airfares” and see if they can afford to get there. I’m not talking about a friend who would “try to clear their calendar” and get there. I’m not talking about a friend who will “check with their girlfriend or wife” to see if it’s cool. I’m talking about a friend who hears you’re in need, and they’re inbound. Period.

I also hope that you’ll be the kind of man that’s worthy of receiving this kind of message. I hope that you’ll be the person that lots of friends think of when they need someone to come a’ runnin’. There is no greater testament to your character than to be the one that others think of when they are in trouble and need help.

As I said earlier, this type of friendship is evasive. You will not develop this type of unwavering loyalty with a college buddy, or “some dude” you meet at work. Why? Because if all you ever share are good times, then good times are all you’ll ever share. Deep and meaningful friendships are forged in the fires of shared joy and shared suffering, honed over years of interaction and commitment. Even finding men who qualify for this kind of friendship is difficult.

My advice? Maintain your childhood and high school friendships over time and distance… and if possible, participate in hobbies, sports, and professions where your guts will be challenged alongside other men. Out of the fires of shared pain come friendships like what you see in Captain Augustus McCray and Captain Woodrow F. Call.

Pea Eye’s Walk- If there’s one thing we can tell during Pea Eye’s walk back to the herd, it’s that he’s in a great deal of physical pain. Physical pain is a funny thing, because once it starts, our brain focuses pretty heavily on making it stop.

Athletes, of course, must endure physical pain as part of their chosen sport, as they train to improve themselves and their conditioning, but that kind of pain is different from Pea Eye’s, because athletes choose their pain. They want to improve, so they push themselves into the pain… but when it gets too much, they can stop.

So how much forced pain can a man take? How far could Pea Eye have walked, before he simply dropped… perhaps dead? Everyone has a different breaking point, but I can assure you yours is much greater than you think. During my years in the Marines there were times when I thought, “I cannot take one more step… not one more.” Then I went on for miles more. There were times when I was in so much pain I thought I’d pass out… but there’s bad news here, Men. You don’t pass out from pain, except in the movies.

For the most part, if you want to learn about the limits of the human pain, you need to read about men who were put in situations where there was no way out, and their lives hung in the balance. And what you’ll find is that the human spirit is one of the most powerful forces in the world. So know this: If the time comes and you have to do your own Pea Eye’s Walk, you’ll do what you have to do. I’m sure of it.

Losing Gus- I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t believe it when Gus died. It just didn’t seem possible that he, of all people, was gone. It felt like I’d lost a friend.

The scene, however, was wonderful. It was a good-bye between two friends so close they did not need to say anything beyond what was said. They had lived their friendship to it’s fullest, so there was no need to lament what might have been.

Gus’ last words were simple: It’s been quite a party, ain’t it?

Now, don’t misunderstand these words… Gus isn’t talking about a drinking party, he’s talking about an adventure party. He’s talking about a life of excitement and adventure, and always seizing the opportunity to do something new and fun. Can most people say this on their death bed? That they’ve made the most of their time? No way. Most people die full of regrets, and sorrows over opportunities missed. No one…and I mean no one, ever said from their deathbed, “Right now, I wish I’d spent more time at the office earning money.”

Although my life is lacking in many areas, I have always tried to seize the day. I’ve pushed myself to do things that were new and exciting. And I hope you will too. Here’s a look at some of things I’ve done in the past 24 years… I list these simply so you’ll know what can be done if you choose, without a great deal of money at your disposal:
I’ve gotten my Scuba diving license, and dived on both coasts and the Keys. I’ve toured Europe out of backpack with a friend, and we never made a reservation in advance… we just arrived in a town and found a place to stay. I’ve run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. I’ve completed two miniature triathalons. I served in the Marines, where I drove Armored Amphibious Vehicles out of the back of ships, flew in helicopters, climbed mountains and frozen waterfalls, skied back down those mountains, flew beneath a Huey helicopter attached only by a rope, fired dozens of different types of weapons, lived in Okinawa Japan, deployed to Korea, rappelled off towers, and spent nights so cold I thought I might die. I’ve bungee jumped three times. I’ve water-skied and snow skied. I’ve ridden horses (and had my collarbone shattered when one threw me). I’ve made 25 freefall skydives from 13,000 feet. I’ve snow mobiled to the top of the Continental Divide in Colorado. I’ve ridden a mountain bike up, and back down a mountain. I’ve whitewater canoed in three rivers. I’ve ridden in a hot air balloon. I’ve killed a 185-pound whitetail buck, and hunted doves, ducks, quail, and lots of skeet. I’ve flown to the Bahamas in a seaplane, and made that same crossing in a sailboat, and a center-console motorboat. I’ve driven across the United States. I’ve been to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field, and to both the World Series and the Olympics in Atlanta. I’ve been to Tijuana, Vancouver, Seattle, New York, Long Island, San Francisco, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Graceland in Memphis, Salt Lake City, and Polson, Montana. I’ve studied and learned the importance of the Christian faith. And after marrying the wrong woman when I was young and stupid, I was very, very, patient and waited for the right woman to come along.

Now… what do all these things have in common?

In every single case, I could’ve said, “Nahh… I don’t feel like doing that. I’m just gonna chill out and watch the tube.”

And you’ve got to ask yourself, “What kind of life do I want to live?”

Going and doing takes a lot more energy than “chilling out.” It also uses up the money you might have spent on that really kickin’ stereo, or that killer sports car, or the most expensive name-brand clothes. But you can go and do… it’s just an issue of priorities. So make your decision now, about the life you’ll live. You only get one chance at life, and you only get one chance to say your “last words.” It’s my hope they are like Gus’ last words, and not something that starts with, “I wish I had…”

Call’s Promise- It was Gus’s last wish to be buried in Claira’s Orchard, way down in Texas. Call agreed to do it, and left Gus’s body in town for the winter. (FYI, they wrapped bodies in salt back then, which is why Gus’s body would be preserved for the trip.)

As Call was preparing to leave to rejoin the herd, one of the men from the town said that if he changed his mind, they’d bury Gus for him. “People promise all sorts of things to the dieing,” he said. “It’s been my observation they generally forget the whole business in a few days.”

“I don’t,” said Call.

Was there any question in your mind that what Call said was true? Did you think for a second that maybe he would forget about his promise?

No way.

Why? Because you’ve learned that Captain Call is a man of his word.

You’ve been told your entire life to keep your word, and I’m here to tell you again: Keep your word. Make your word your bond. And try to make your word your bond even in small things. If you tell someone you’ll meet them at a place at a certain time, be there… on time. If you make plans with someone, keep them… even if a better or more fun-sounding offer comes along. If someone asks you to do them a small favor, and you agree, put that favor at the top of your list of things that must be done. If you become known as a man of your word in small things, people will know they can count on you for the large things, too.

You should know, however, that many men do not keep their word. And if you are a man of your word, you will spend much of your life disappointed that other men aren’t. The idea of “your word being your bond” is now considered by many to be old-fashioned, and even stupid. Men lie to each other all the time in business, then hide behind their lawyers. They think nothing of telling you they’ll do one thing, but then doing the exact opposite… and they rationalize to themselves that you were “stupid” not to insist on a legal contract spelling out the exact terms of your business deal.

I wish I could give you numerous concrete reasons why you should be a man of your word when so many other people think the idea is laughable… but I can’t. The only thing I can tell you is this: Honest men hang around together, and liars hang around together. And as an honest man, you will enjoy real friendships with real men. And one day, you’ll understand that that’s worth far more than money.

Newt’s fight with Jasper- After arriving in Montana and deciding where he’d build the ranch, Captain Call informed Newt he was to be in charge of Jasper and Pea Eye, and the three of them were to round up some horses and sell them to the Army. Clearly, this was Captain Call’s attempt to reach out to Newt, as he was finally admitting to himself that Newt was his son.

Jasper was insulted, because he felt he was senior to Newt, and picked a fight to make his point. Although Jasper was bigger and older, Newt did not back down… and the fists were soon flying. Jasper’s size and experience were too much for Newt, and Newt lost the fight.

But did he?

Yes, Jasper physically beat him, but Newt didn’t back down. Newt stood up to him, and did everything he could. Without a word spoken, Newt communicated the message, “You may beat me in this fight, but you’re gonna know you were in a fight when it’s over. You may win, but you’re gonna hurt, too.”

You will be told a thousand times in your life “it’s a battle you can’t win.” And sometimes that’s true… but the important thing isn’t always that you win the fight, it’s that you get in the arena and take part in the fight.

As a young man, you will feel passionately about many causes… and it is important to “pick the fights you want to fight.” (After all, you can’t fight them all.) However, when you know there’s a fight that must be fought -be it standing up to a bully or fighting for a cause you believe in- forget about whether the fight can be won or not: Get in the ring and throw as many punches as you can for what you believe.

Sure, Newt lost the fight… but afterwards he told Jasper to get on his horse and follow his orders. And Jasper did it. Why? Because he now knew that Newt wasn’t someone he could push around.

The Captain’s Struggle- It was pretty obvious that Captain Call wanted to tell Newt he loved him, and that he was proud of him. He gave Newt the possessions he valued most in the world… and he tried to get the words out… but he couldn’t.

Let there never be any doubt in your mind that actions do speak louder than words, but words are important too… clearly they were to Newt. Newt needed to hear those words from Captain Call more than anything.

Men often have a difficult time expressing how they feel. That’s just a fact of life. But try to remember Newt, and how badly he needed to hear the Captain tell him, “You are my son, and I’m proud of you.”

Yes, Captain Call’s actions showed him his love… but the words were important. Do your best to give the ones you love your words of praise, love, and encouragement. You never know when the opportunity may present itself again.

Claire’s Anger- Claire’s anger with Captain Call for taking Gus back to Texas was as deep and furious as anger can be. In fact, one would have a hard coming up with more hateful words than he final words to Call.

“I despised you then for what you were,” she said, “ and I despise you now for what your doing.”

Where does this come from? Why is she so hateful towards Call?

It’s because Claire, like most people, doesn’t understand the inner workings of a man like Woodrow F. Call. He is a man who stands for his principles, and refuses “go with flow.” He is man who gives his word, and never considers going back on it. He is a man who is unafraid to act like a man at all times, because that’s what he is.

The idea of acting like a man is so distasteful in much of America today that it’s become a joke. It’s become a standard insult to say to a man who’s simply acting like a man, “Oh, so you’re John Wayne, now? A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do?” And everyone laughs, because God forbid a man stand up for sublime concepts like duty, honor, patriotism, gentlemanly behavior, and honesty.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” is what some people will say to you, men and women alike… men because your behavior secretly reminds them of how pathetic their own behavior has become, and women because they’ve been led by the media to believe men and women are the exact same, except for their plumbing.

Don’t be misled by this ridiculous concept. Men and women are not the same. Yes, they are equal intellectually, but they are very different in the things that make them tick. As I mentioned earlier, there is a very good book entitled Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus which discusses these differences in language you can actually understand. It will certainly help you understand why a good, strong woman like Claire would lash out at Captain Call.

Now, please understand… I’m not saying you need to act like Captain Call in order to be a man. Gus was fun, talkative, sensitive, and supportive, and he was just as much of a man as Call. What I’m saying is that you should decide what kind of man you want to be, then follow that path.

If you want to be the kind of man who argues what the definition if “is” is, then you’ll have friends who also argue what the definition of “is” is… and as a result you’ll never really know if a particular person “is” your friend. On the other hand, if you choose to be a man of principle and honor, your friends will be men of principle and honor… and when the time comes, you’ll be able to send a message to any one of them that you need them to “come a’ runnin’.”

A Hell of a vision- Upon his arrival back at Lonesome Dove, Captain Call is confronted by a young newspaper reporter who wants to write his story. This is certainly understandable, as Call’s story is certainly amazing by any standards. The reporter asks him about his trip bringing Gus back to Texas… about his days as a Ranger…about his cattle ranch in Montana. Finally out of words, the reporter exclaims “They say you’re a man of vision!”

Call looks back in his minds eye to the losses he’s experienced in the past year, and the memories almost overwhelm him. Full of regrets and sorrows, he replies simply, “ A man of vision, you say? Yeah… a hell of a vision.”


Life is, more than anything, pretty strange… and I find Captain Call’s response to be in keeping with what most, older people go through as they look back on their immediate past. All too often we blame ourselves for decisions we made, because we think of what “might have been” if we’d chosen a different path. We think of our mistakes, instead of our accomplishments.

There is, however, good news: It comes in the form of a very, very, old saying that’s very, very true. You may not believe it now, because time moves so slowly as a young man… but it is true. The saying, quite simply, is time heals all wounds.

For Captain Call, there in his moments of doubt and anguish, those words mean nothing. But, a year later… or two years later… or five years later… he will look back not with regret, but with happiness. He’ll remember the laughs and good times shared with Gus, Deets, and Jake. He’ll remember the amazing adventures they shared together. He’ll remember all the reasons they were such good friends. He’ll be thankful for the time he did have with them. And he’ll smile.

Life is an amazing adventure, if you choose to make it so… and every man has a different view of what constitutes an amazing adventure. Adventure doesn’t have to mean driving cattle to Montana: One of my closest friends Al Phillips got married young, and is raising a family of four children, and he wouldn’t change one thing about the adventure he’s been on. And if that’s your choice, it’s my hope that you’ll take on that adventure with all the passion, love, and excitement Al has.

If you allow it to, life will break you. It will overwhelm you with its unfairness, and sorrows, and pain. On the other hand, if you choose to attack life with an enthusiastic fury, nothing can stop you from enjoying it. You can grab everyday like a Grizzly Bear by the tail, and wrestle it for all it’s worth. Some days you beat the bear, and some days the bear beats you… but there’s always tomorrow. And every single day when the sun rises, you and I are given a chance at redemption, and a chance to start fresh.

I heard a great story once, which helped me put it in perspective. The speaker asked us to write down four blanks, a dash, and four more blanks. The result looked like this:
_ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _.

Then he said, “Write your year of birth in the first four spaces, and a two in the space after the dash.

So I wrote 1962 – 2_ _ _.

He then said, “That’s all you know for sure about your life. That you were born, and in two-thousand and something you will die. There’s nothing you can do about either of those dates. The only thing you can do… is determine what you’re going to do with the dash.

So, Nephews… what are you going to do with the dash?