After Watching Part Three

Gus’s Comment to Call - There is a very brief scene at the beginning of Part Three when Call asks Gus, “ What are you gonna do if we get to Nebraska, and you find Claire happily married…and she don’t even remember you?”

Gus replies, “Well, Woodrow, I believe that would break my heart.”

The scene is interesting, because it tells us a great deal about the friendship between these two men… and it’s my hope that you too will have at least one life-long best friendship like these two men have. You see, Call felt comfortable teasing Gus about a very sensitive subject… but Gus felt comfortable being honest with Call about the pain it would cause him. These are two men who are bonded through decades of experience- good and bad, up and down. They’ve suffered together, and nothing bonds male friendships like shared suffering.

The average American man doesn’t have a best friend like Gus or Call- someone they can count on through thick and thin. Most men focus on their careers, and friendships come in a distant third behind family and career. Many men, in fact, use friendships as a convenient way to get what they want... perhaps as a way to get ahead in their career, or into a country club, or elected to some position of power. This situation is made worse by how frequently people move these days, usually because of a job, and men don’t bother to invest the time and energy to keep up with old friends.

Let me tell you this: I am the luckiest man in the world when it comes to friends. I have both a handful of very close friends I grew up with in Charleston, and several very close friends I made while in the Marines… and every one of those guys would risk their lives to help me if they needed to. And I’d do the same for them.

But…I could have lost all those friendships over the last twenty years if I hadn’t invested the time and effort to reach out to them and make sure they knew I still valued their friendship. Yes, it sounds strange to a young man, because you have not yet encountered the separations that come with “years and miles,” but trust me you will…starting with college. And I’m telling you now that while you’ll make new friends at college, you will want to keep in touch with your high school and hometown friends.

Don’t let your current situation distract you from taking the time to write, call, and road-trip to see those friends of your younger years… because there will come a time (believe it or not) when you are my age, and those friendships will be way more important to you than money, girls, or prestige.

There is a movie you should watch about friendship entitled Brian’s Song, starring Billy Dee Williams, and James Caan. It is a true story about two pro football players- Gale Sayers, and Brian Piccalo- based on a book by Gale Sayers, entitled I am Third. The book title comes from Gale Sayers description of his priorities in life, in which he says, “God is first, my family and friends are second, and I am third.”

If I to try to give you a one sentence description of the perfect set of life priorities, that would be it.

Jake’s Slide Continues- As you recall, I discussed the slippery slope of Jake Spoon earlier. And if the description of a “slippery slope” didn’t make sense to you then, it should now.

Slip one… Jake tries to be cool by saying he doesn’t have a problem with robbing banks. Slip two… Jake accepts the outlaws’ invitation to ride with them.

And with two simple, small slips, Jake finds himself in a situation involving murder and horse stealing.

Jake could have stopped his slide down the slope. As you may recall, he did have an opportunity to draw his gun and take a stand against the outlaws. In fact, when they were focusing on shooting those innocent cowboys, Jake could have easily killed two or three of the brothers. Yes, Frog Lip might have then shot him, but maybe not… Jake was an experienced Texas Ranger, and he might’ve come out on top. But, even if he was killed, at least he would have died doing the right thing.

But, my Nephews, that’s the dangerous thing about a slippery slope… Jake was already sliding, and he thought, “Well, I’ll just slip down the slope a little further…then I’ll stop. Then I’ll get out of here. Then I’ll go back to being the real me.”

Unfortunately, it rarely works like that. Once you compromise your standards and your beliefs, it’s hard to get back where you started.

Deet’s Return’s With the Wounded Man- It took only a few seconds for Captain Call to analyze the situation when Deet’s rode up with the mortally wounded cowboy he’d found. Call knew right away that it was a situation involving horse thieves.

Now, think about what was going on in the minds of Captain Call and Captain Gus when the issue of these horse thieves came up. They had a herd of cattle and horses, a largely inexperienced crew of cowboys, and a traumatized woman for which they were responsible. They were trying to make it to Montana before winter. And to top it off, they didn’t even know this fatally wounded man. There were lots of reasons to not take action.

But they did not hesitate. They realized a crime had been committed, and they took action immediately.

This too will happen to you in your life, probably more than once. You will see someone weak being bullied. You will see a car accident occur when you are in a hurry to get someplace. You will see a friend about to do something stupid.

What you decide to do, and how quickly you decide to do it- every time you encounter one of these situations- will stay with you the rest of your life. It is better to decide in advance whether you are a man who takes action to help, or a man who stays out of the way so as to avoid “getting involved.” If you decide to be a “don’t get involved” type man, life is much easier… think of how much easier it would have been for Gus and Call to just ride on!

The worst thing you can do to yourself, I believe, is to decide to be a man of action… then fail to act when the time comes. Who knows… maybe you don’t act because you’re scared. Or because you’re in a hurry. Or because it seems like it’s not your business. All of these are good reasons not to act, but afterwards you will be disappointed in yourself. And that’s the worst kind of disappointment there is.

The Sodbusters- At the end of Jake’s slide down the slope comes the murder of the sodbusters (which is a nickname for farmers, because they bust apart the sod in order to plant their seeds.) In this scene we learn a few things; these are my interpretations of the lessons unfolding on the screen, and are more symbolic than real.

First, we see what happens when they discover the sodbusters. The head of the gang indicates immediately he hates sodbusters, and this seems very strange to us… why would anyone hate farmers? His hate just doesn’t make any sense, especially since he hasn’t even spoken to these men.

Well, my Nephews, his hatred of farmers makes the same amount of sense as racism. As you grow, you will encounter men who hate anyone who’s different. Racists come in every color and nationality, and you’ll find people who hate other people for the strangest reasons. Whites who hate blacks, and blacks who hate whites… Italians who hate Irish, and Irish who hate Italians… Japanese who hate Koreans, and Koreans who hate Japanese… sadly, the list is almost endless.

There are millions of people right here in our country who hate other people just because they look different, or speak a different language, or practice a different religion. It’s crazy! Whenever I think about racism, and- for example- about men who think whites are better than blacks, I am reminded of my black friend Eugene Bose. Eugene was in my Marine Corps Basic Officers Course, which lasted six miserable months in Quantico, Virginia. And at the end of six months, he graduated Number One in the class. He was the smartest, the toughest, the best shot, the best navigator, the best leader… he was the best at everything! Any white man who thinks he is better than a black man just because he’s white should meet Eugene... that would change his opinion, I promise. I don’t want to talk too long about racism, because it is an extremely complex subject, but do understand this: Nothing good comes from racism, and it’s your job as a man to fight against racism wherever you encounter it, and that includes any racist thoughts you find inside yourself!

As you know, the gang murders the farmers, and after going through their cabin the leader tells Jake to help drag the bodies over so they can hang them.

Jake replies, “No… I ain’t no part of this.”

To which the gang leader says, “The hell you ain’t!”

And you know what? The gang leader is right.

Jake may not have shot the farmers… he may not have liked the idea of shooting the farmers… in fact, he may have wished more than anything it didn’t happen. But none of that matters, because he was there, and he did nothing to stop it. In legal terms, this is called “The hand of one is the hand of all.” What that means is that if three guys commit a robbery, and one guy shoots the store clerk, the hand that shot the clerk belongs to everyone. It’s just a technicality that one guy did the actual shooting, because they were all there and they all had a part in it.

I understand that you’ll never be involved in a robbery, and you’ll never be around when one person murders another, but what about this: What about when a friend wants to shoplift something? What about when a friend opens up a bag of pot, or some other drug? What about when a friend wants to cheat on a test?

What do you do then?

You don’t need to snitch on every friend who wants to do something wrong, but what you do need to do is speak up to them. All you need to say is, “Hey, man, that isn’t cool with me, and I want nothing to do with it. If you’re gonna do that, I’m outta here.” And then leave, before their hand becomes your hand.

The idea that “the hand of one is the hand of all” may be difficult for you to understand now, but one day it will make sense. In the meantime, you’ve just got to believe me… and know that in incidences that involve even minor illegal activity, that grumpy old judge up on the bench doesn’t care if you understand or agree with the concept. It’s the law, and you will answer to it if you run with the wrong people.

The End of Jake- In the end, Jake hung from the end of a rope. Call and Gus are men of justice and moral values, and they cannot look the other way. If it had been something minor, then they would have let Jake off, no doubt… he was their friend, and friends need to understand that friends make mistakes.

But in Jake’s case, they couldn’t let it slide. He was a thief and murderer by association, and he had to swing. Gus said it best when he said, “You know the rules, Jake. You ride with an outlaw, you die with an outlaw.”

What you need to ask yourself -and brand onto your brain in advance- is the answers to the questions, “What are my morals and standards? What am I willing to be a part of? Where do I draw the line in terms of what I consider acceptable behavior?”

If you know deep inside yourself where you draw the line… and you make sure your friends know in advance where you draw the line… and you take action whenever and wherever someone crosses that line (even if it’s just by leaving) then you will never end up alongside Jake Spoon, swinging form the end of a rope.

Jake’s Last Act- With the rope around his neck and his hanging just seconds away, Jake did his friend Gus a final favor: He spurred his horse himself. He didn’t want his friend Gus to have to live with that memory, and in spurring his own horse, Jake hung himself… and spared Gus the pain of doing it.

Jake’s final act is called “an act of redemption.” Although you might not understand it now, as you’re young and fairly innocent, redemption is a very popular theme in many books and movies, because we adults make so many bad, bad mistakes in our lives. You will be amazed at how many times as an adult you will make mistakes that will cause pain to others… sometimes because you are weak, sometimes because you stupid, sometimes because you just didn’t realize. Life does that to you, and more than anything you will want redemption from these acts. You will want to somehow, someway, make up for your mistakes… you’ll want to be “redeemed” in the eyes of those you’ve done wrong to. Redemption is possible… both to people you hurt, and to God above. But neither is easy, because redemption involves admitting you were wrong, saying you’re sorry, and acting in a way that shows you are seeking forgiveness. Jake didn’t have time for any of these things, so he did the only thing he could: He spurred his own horse .And that’s certainly better than nothing.

Lessons in Love- During Lonesome Dove, we learn a great deal about love, and how messy things can be. I considered skipping this section because you won’t listen, you won’t believe me, and you’re going to make your own mistakes anyway… but in the end, I decided to address the topic. Why? For no other reason than you can look back when you are older, and say, “If only I’d listened.” I should also note I don’t know how old you’ll be when you get this book, so if you’re too young then just skip over this as the “mushy part.”

So… let’s take a look at the mess love causes in this film:

July loves Ellie, but Ellie loves Dee Boot.
Dish loves Laurie, but Laurie loves Gus.
Laurie loves Gus, but Gus loves Claire.
Maggie (Newt’s mom) loved Captain Call, but Call was too stubborn to admit he loved her.
Laurie doesn’t love Jake, and Jake doesn’t love Laurie, but they end up as couple because they think they can use each other.
Ellie and Dee Boot supposedly love each other, but not enough to make it through the tough times… when they ran out of money, Ellie left and married July.
July fights for the woman he loves by tracking her across the country, but when he gets there she couldn’t care less… she doesn’t even care about their baby. Dish does the same thing, riding back from Montana to be with Laurie, but Laurie is unmoved… she wants Gus, or no one.
The Buffalo hunter, Sway, loves Ellie, and Ellie doesn’t love him, but she uses him to get what she wants.
Gus tells Claire he’s loved her all along, and we get the impression she loved Gus… but she married Bob… and all these years later she’s given up on the idea of love.
Gus told Laurie that he wanted to marry Claire, but after they saw each other, Gus tells Laurie he doesn’t really want to get married after all.

So, my Nephews, you ask: Is love really this complicated? Does love really screw up this many people’s loves? Isn’t there a way love can be simpler?

Yes, yes, and no.

You will be amazed, even in high school, at how many people screw up their lives because they love someone. I wish I could explain some sort of hard and fast rules that would help you, but there aren’t any. All I can do is offer you these suggestions, which you will ignore anyway:

If you love a girl and she doesn’t love you back, break away- no matter how bad it hurts. Even if you chase the girl and she eventually says she loves you, it’s a different kind of love than you feel.

If a girl loves you and you don’t love her back, be kind and sensitive when you tell her; tell her she is awesome (even if she isn’t), but then tell her you don’t love her the way she loves you. Do not lead her on into thinking there’s a possibility you might love her someday. Remember that Gus was totally honest with Laurie when she asked him if he wanted to marry Claire. Gus could’ve told Laurie “No” because that’s what Laurie wanted to hear, but he was honest. That’s the smart thing to do, Lads.

If you love a girl and she loves you, don’t ever cheat no matter what. It will ruin things forever, and there’s no going back.

If you love a girl, and she cheats on you, break it off immediately and forever. A cheat is a cheat, and she will never change.

Go slow when you are interested in girl… it’s easy to fall in love, but hard to stop loving someone once you start. This does not apply to every girl you ask on a date, because going out with someone “just for fun” is fine. The problem, however, is that after dating for a while, one or the other tends to begin having feelings for the other. See the above advice for how to handle that.

Always be a gentleman… girls talk, and if you misbehave the word will get around.

And finally, the most important advice you will ever receive: Do not get married until you are at least thirty, no matter how much you love someone. Why? Because a man under 30 is too young to know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Right now you simply cannot understand how much you are going to change between the ages of 20 and 30… but you will. And the girl you love when you are 25 is going to change a lot during those years too. And if you get married at 25, you might wake up at 30 with a woman who wants totally different things from you.

A classic example of this is a couple who is all goo-goo in love at 25, and all they want is to get married and open some small business together. (So they can spend every minute together). Five years later, the girl says, “This sucks… you need to get a job that makes some real money so we can afford to have kids.” The guy says, “This sucks… I want to drive cattle to Montana.” And now you have two people with very little in common and they are married.

Guys, I got married too young, and got divorced young. After that, I was really, really cautious, and eventually I found Aunt Heidi. Learn from my mistakes, go slow, wait until you’re thirty… and find your own perfect woman to marry the first time.

July’s Anguish- After being told by Claire that his wife had their baby and left, July is asked by her, “What do you want to do?”

In terrible pain, July says, “It’s been so long since I’ve done something right, I can’t even remember.”

You too will experience times in your life when you feel this way. Something will go wrong because you made a wrong decision, and you’ll make another bad decision trying to correct it. That will lead to the next mistake, and you’ll feel like you are spiraling downward out of control. When that happens, I want you to do these two things:

First, this rule of life: If you find yourself digging yourself into a hole, stop digging. This is pretty straightforward: It means you should consciously make the decision to stop your current behavior or actions… catch your breath… ask close friends or family for advice… listen to their advice… and get out of the hole you’ve dug, and carefully begin filling it back in. You’ll be amazed how deep you can dig yourself into a hole if you forget this advice.

Second, remember these words: This too shall pass. Time heals all wounds and situations, but we usually can’t believe this when we are in pain. I can’t tell you how many times when I was at Mountain Warfare School in Bridgeport California I said those words to myself… I was in terrible physical pain from the cold and the training, so I reminded myself, “I’m in pain now, but time will pass- it cannot stop- and with time’s passing so too will my life here in these mountains.” I used the same line when my heart was broken, and it felt like I had a dozen arrows in my chest… with a new arrow hitting me every time I thought about the situation. I said to myself, “This too shall pass.” I had a hard time believing it would, but I reminded myself of the truth often: This too shall pass.

And you know what? It did. It always does.

As for July, and his anguish? As you may recall, he gave up on Ellie, and went to work for Claire. In short, he quit digging. It’s a good piece of advice, Nephews.



Dish’s Horse- When in town, a very obnoxious Army Officer informed Dish he wanted his horse. Vastly outnumbered, Dish stated, “He ain’t for sale,” and stood his ground.

You will hear, throughout most of your life, that “everything’s for sale.” What this means is that “if someone offers you enough money, you’ll sell or do anything.”

Sadly, for most men, this is true. Not only will they sell their horse, they’ll sell their honor, their reputation… even the ones they love. Money is their God, and they will “sell out” in order to get control of more money.

The truth is that “selling out” is not usually a clear-cut situation. No one comes up to them and says, “I’ll offer you a million dollars if you will go on television and announce to the city that you beat up and innocent old lady.” It’s usually something very sly, and very seductive: A friend comes up and says, “I’ve figured out a way to take some unnoticed money from the company we work for, but I need a partner.” Or a business associate says, “Hey, if you’ll buy the product I sell for your company, I’ll kickback to you some of the cash I make in my commission.” Or at a time when money is really short, someone will say, “Hey, I know some guys who sell cocaine… and if you’ll drive a package of it to New York and drop it off, they’ll pay you $10,000.”

So you need to decide now, as a young man, do I have a price? Is my honesty and name for sale? When times are tough, or am I willing to exchange my morals for money? When some tough looking Army Officer says he wants to buy my horse, will I say, “He’s not for sale?” Only you can decide.

Let me close this section with a fable: A very rich man was out in a bar, and met a beautiful young lady. They talked for a while, and he said, “Will you go to bed with me for a million dollars?”
The young lady replied, “A million bucks? Okay.”
The man then replied, “How about one hundred dollars?”
The woman was insulted, and said, “A hundred dollars? No way! What… do you think- I’m some kind of a prostitute?”
To which the man said, “Well, yes. We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over the price.

You, and your horse, are either for sale…or they aren’t. Period.

Newt’s Help- When Dish was knocked down and out of the way by the Army Scout, Newt stepped in and grabbed Dish’s horse. He heard Dish say the horse wasn’t for sale, and he wasn’t going to let the Army Scout take the horse away without a fight.

For his trouble, the Scout clobbered him.

But by stepping in to help Dish, Newt won…even though he got clobbered. You see, we men are taught from a very early age that life is all about winning… so no one wants to step into a fight they don’t think they can win.
But the reality is that winning the fight isn’t the important thing… the willingness to step into the fight is the important thing. I say this because you are going to discover so many things in your life that you believe in, and the question will be, “Are you willing to fight for them, even if you lose?”

If a friend is being bullied, are you willing to step into the fight, even if you lose? If a big company is doing something wrong, like using “sweat shop” labor, are you willing to step into the fight? If a politician is corrupt, are you willing to fight to get someone else elected? If you have a great invention or idea, are you willing to fight to turn it into a business? I’m not saying these things are things you should fight over… what’s important to you is important to you, and only you can decide. The point I’m making is this: If something’s worth fighting for, then it’s worth fighting for… even if you get you ass kicked.

Let me end this section with a paragraph from a speech given by America’s greatest president, Teddy Roosevelt. Written in 1910, it should be a fine example to you that “new and modern thinking” isn’t always better than the wisdom from decades ago. This paragraph has become known simply as The Man in the Arena:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Captain Call’s Response- When Captain Call saw Newt being beaten, his response was quick and certain… and those Army men saw what happens to someone who messes with Captain Woodrow F. Call’s friends and family. When you see something happening to your friends or family, I hope your reaction will be the same. Worry about the consequences after you’ve rendered aid… worry about whether you’ll win the fight after you’ve stepped in. Those men were Army, and they could’ve shot Captain Call dead… but he didn’t let that stop him from rescuing a son in need.

My advice to you isn’t about getting in a fistfight every time someone looks at your friends or family wrong… it’s about always being ready and willing to lend a hand when family or friends are in trouble- any kind of trouble.

I also hope you’ll take note of Captain Call’s actions after the fight. He didn’t dance around and brag, and he didn’t try to pick a fight with the next guy. He got on his horse, apologized to the ladies present, and left. He did what he needed to do, then left. If you do likewise anytime you win an undertaking, people will admire you for it.


The Last of the Water- As you saw, there came a time when the men of the Hat Creek Cattle Company just flat ran out of water. They were probably ten times thirstier than you’ve ever been in your life… and there was enough water for one tiny sip each.

And yet, each passed up their opportunity for that sip, so that the next man could have just a little more.

What you witnessed here was selflessness in action. Being selfless is a tough thing to be, because it asks that you put others before yourself…which in reality is not a very natural thing to do. Yes, it is in the case of your wife and children- that’s pretty much hard-wired into you- but being selfless with others isn’t always natural.

Many people will tell you that being selfless is always a good thing, and I wish I could agree… but in reality it’s a case-by-case thing. If you are at all times selfless, you’ll never get anywhere. Why? Because the world is so full of selfish people, they’ll be happy to take advantage of your selflessness and generosity. Remember how Lippy greedily sucked down the last of the water? In reality, there are a million times more “Lippys” in the world than selfless people. And worse yet, most of them will act like they aren’t going to drink any water, either… but as soon as you walk away they will.

There will be times when being selfless becomes a responsibility, and you should always rise to that occasion. As the leader of a group, you will often need to be selfless to accomplish the team’s goal. You will need to let the other members of the team get all the credit… you will need to compliment them for work you actually did… you will need to meet their needs before you meet your own. Is this fun? No way… but it is one aspect of leadership, and being a leader means getting the job done above everything else.

Other times that call for selflessness include playing competitive team sports, serving in the military, and reaching out to the less fortunate as Christian men. These types of selflessness are, in fact, easier to do because you want to be selfless. And in these cases, you will feel good about putting others ahead of you. But I do want you to understand that your being selfless doesn’t mean others around you will be… or that they will respect you for your actions. I met many men during my business career who stole from me or lied to me or took advantage of me because I was trying to be considerate of their needs, and not my own.

There’s no easy lesson here, Nephews. Yes, in issues of your Christian faith and life you should always be selfless… but in secular situations, I’d tell you to analyze each situation as it comes. The bottom line is you need to decide whether the individual or group is worthy of your sacrifices. Is the issue so important that -even if you’re screwed over- you don’t care, because you did the right thing?

In the situation you saw with the Hat Creek Cattle Company, they did do the right thing. They made the right choice. They are men who count on each other, and in demonstrating a willingness to suffer together they brought the team even closer together. I hope that one day you’ll be a part of a team like this… it is an awesome and humbling experience.

Losing Deets- In the end, Josh Deets died because he was a man of compassion, and he refused to drop the blind little boy and risk hurting him. He could have… he should have… but he didn’t. Compassion for others was ingrained into his character, and a man of character just can’t stop being himself because a situation calls for it. This is one of the things that’s hard about being a man of good character… you are made to pay for it many times in your life.

A lesser man, as most men are, isn’t burdened with Deet’s goodness and morality. A lesser man would have thrown the little boy at the Indian Brave and run away, or perhaps would have even used the little boy as a shield. Had the little boy died, this lesser man would say, “Well, it was him or me… and I just did what I had to do.” Yes, I know that as a young man you probably find it hard to believe there are men who would do this, but trust me, there are… and you will unfortunately have to deal with them throughout your life.

Deet’s death and the nobility of his character, however, is not the primary thing I want you to remember from this scene. In fact, I’m guessing you knew Deet’s was an exceptional man long ago. The primary thing I want you to remember is the dialogue between Gus and Call after Deet’s died.

“It’s our fault,” Captain Call said. “We should’ve shot sooner.”

And Gus replied, “I don’t wanna start thinking, Woodrow, about all the things we should’ve done for this good man.”

My Nephews, if there was but one thing I could ask you to remember from this book, it would be Gus’s reply.

Why? Because one day, someone important to you will die… someone who showed you loyalty and friendship… or who helped you in a time of despair, or need… or who brought and laughter, and happiness into your life. And when this person dies, you will think first of the times you failed them… of the times you didn’t live up to your half of the friendship… and you will realize there’s no time left for you to make it up to them. No more chances to tell them how much you appreciate them, or how important it was to you when they helped you.

When it comes to you friends and family, live every day like it’s their last… because one day it will be. And if you’ve taken advantage of every opportunity to pay them back for the kindness they’ve shown you, you’ll never have to think about the things you should’ve done for them.

Now take a break from reading, and watch Part Four. I’ll chat with you in a little while.